jessgads's profile

There’s not much to tell about myself, really. I’m just one of those typical depressed, suicidal, self-destructive 19 year-olds whose only way of staying alive is finding ways to divert her attention from death by writing and drawing it. Sometimes I wish I could write less depressing things, but happy stories and endings just seem to be too cheesy these days.

Some stories start off with adventure, others with setting, and some introducing the main character. This is mine. You’ll be tired of this before the end, and you’ll take nothing from it.

One of my favorite authors is Chuck Palahniuk. What Palahniuk does is this: he takes a phrase and sticks it in his stories. Something that you don’t understand. You think you do, but you don’…

There’s not much to tell about myself, really. I’m just one of those typical depressed, suicidal, self-destructive 19 year-olds whose only way of staying alive is finding ways to divert her attention from death by writing and drawing it. Sometimes I wish I could write less depressing things, but happy stories and endings just seem to be too cheesy these days.

Some stories start off with adventure, others with setting, and some introducing the main character. This is mine. You’ll be tired of this before the end, and you’ll take nothing from it.

One of my favorite authors is Chuck Palahniuk. What Palahniuk does is this: he takes a phrase and sticks it in his stories. Something that you don’t understand. You think you do, but you don’t. as the story progresses, things happen that open your eyes to what that phrase might mean. By the end of the book you’ll have become a little wiser in the ways of the world and maybe even see things from a different perspective.

Take, “where does your inspiration comes from?â at first you might think that his story’s going to be about an artist who gets their inspiration from some spiritual force of some sort. That’s what I thought. Then he slowly revealed that it was some reincarnation thing. Like it says in Ecclesiastes, “There’s nothing new under the sun.â Been there, done that. The end.

My stories? I don’t know where I get them. Sometimes I base them off things I’ve experienced. Sometimes they’re things I would have liked to experienced. Then sometimes they’re just pictures I get in my head that I turn into a whole life. They’re really not that creative. There’s nothing new or special about them. they’re just the rantings of a manic-depressive hopelessly psychotic teenager.

Unfortunately, even though I try to write about positive things and give them happy endings, I can’t seem to think of any. I think mostly because I think more in terms of real life. I’ve gotten really tired of fairy tales. In every day life, nothing ends happily ever after. I don’t want people to read my stories and feel all warm and cozy inside. I don’t want them to be satisfied with this life when they finish reading the nonsense I write. In fact, I’d really like them to be absolutely disgusted with it when they finish. Hopefully they’ll realize how deep they are in their own crap.

I’m getting tired of giving people what they want. I’m tired of being a people-pleaser. Well, I really haven’t been one my whole life, but I’m still learning, I’m only human.

As I read through these writings, editing and taking all the bad stuff out that no one could possibly understand, I notice that I put down a lot of incomplete thoughts. What usually happens is I think something out so meticulously with every detail implanted in my mind, that by the time I get it on paper, I leave parts out because I know it so well that sometimes I forget that the people that will read it don’t know what I’m talking about unless I tell them.

I often times have to rewrite entire stories to make sure that people will fully understand everything I’m trying to convey. I’m horrible at that though. Especially when I try to mix psychology with imagery. I really suck, and I should stop while I’m behind.

Sometimes I make up clichés in my head that no one else says. Mostly because I’m tired of the normal ones. I know mine will never catch on, but it’s worth a shot. They’re usually taken from the usual clichés or metaphors and I just twist them to fit in my mind without sounding like everyone else. Or I just have a weird picture in my mind and I think up some random phrase to describe it.

I’m trying to put together a bunch of short stories that I can send off to publishers and see if anyone will sell them. I doubt they’re any good though. I read through some of them now and they really do suck. Just more emo-kid crap. Like we need any more of that in the world. Unfortunately, the only times when I can write stories is when I’m in that depressed sort of mood and I start getting morbid pictures in my mind.