jellybean01's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Hooksett, NH
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 17
LOC: Hooksett, NH
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 17
i love laughing and living—if it weren’t for the smiles, i’d be drowning in the sullen. Love each day.
I am respectable, kind and easy on the eyes ;)
Have a lovely day.
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
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the truth is: i left footprints in the tarmac because i know the roads will always love me. you leave traces of tip-toes and secrets in the snow because your eyes enjoy the warmth of wool and i've decided to bear the cold alone.
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
albeit, you said things like children say curse words in the waiting room--carelessly and breathy, knowing someone would be there to do the punishing. but i flew like diamond-shaped and baby-eye viewed kites that cut your tricks down to size, hoping you, too, would know how it feels to be small.
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
if i were a whisper, i'd graze upon the lobe of your ear and linger there until you grinned as the sweeping breath of my sweet little somethings clambored forward into the canals of your retrospection. i'd tickle and flick the woven thicket of flesh that beat beat beats against the wall of your imagination; call and seduce the coils of your cochlea so they may unravel the secrets of the universe within you; maybe, if i love you like you do, i'll rest upon the stirrup and slam the hammer again...
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
i am wearing a fit pair of jeans today. they are snug to my leg lines and bleached like sun-spots on the thighs. but they aren't as embracing and kind as the soft linen grasp of summer's air against my knees, four-door open pop can and stereo-drunk motivation, touched by 65 miles an hour who russels my hair and scratches my eyelids. these are jeans, like the sand is chameleon (from goldenskywarm to silversmilecold). but i'd rather have the wind lick and tear at my bare boy legs.
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Reviews
Very Lovely. The first stanza is absolutely beautiful, and it sets the tone quite well. I especially enjoy the first two lines, as they have a very confrontational mood/tone to them--and it works. First issue are the first two lines of the second stanza. They sound a little trite, and maybe a little forced--but, hey, maybe i just think that. The last two lines ending that second stanza are incredible--a nice visual in terms of physicality. The last stanza is really incredible. Everything does...
First off: Absolutely stunning, truly. I really enjoyed how you capture the artificiality of Hollywood by describing how the black and white photos of old movie stars grace even the walls of the DMV! A very strong way to open, definitely made me want to keep on reading. "Where you can still view them/for a twenty-five dollar entry fee/" I adore the way you include the mundane things that others may find unnecessary--it adds that sort of wise-beyond-one's-years charm to it. It also shows an un...
This poem made me feel really nostalgic. Very nice. My favourite lines would have to be: We spent long nights on our backs/satring at the sky/wathcing trees breathe/being fifteen/being alive. In that one section, you've described so much so beautifully. Hell, you could even just take that, write it on a sheet of paper and it would work swell as short poetry. I also adore the last stanza. I found it wonderful that, instead of by desire, it was of circumstance that lead you past his house. And ...
Wow. Simply beautiful. "I want more than simply to imagine what some frightened boy from Vermont felt as he fired into the dressed ranks of Virginia. Even so, I lay flat and sight fence posts." I love this line because of the way you've described your desires to learn more while, at the same time, not wanting to in previous and later stanzas. When i read "sight fence posts" i read it as taking to those very fence posts for information, as if you are gathering all you know of that date from th...
Okay, here is the thing: a little preachy, a little teen angsty. Omit cliche terms and phrases such as "a dark soul lashing out," "the paralyzing fear that traps the scream/in the back of your throat," "by my cold, dark, waters," "the cruel torments of a lonely world." Don't let this be discouraging, it's just...there are always better ways to say what's been said already and, i'll admit, what i've mentioned as definite omits have definitely been said before. There is always room to improve t...
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