jasonlee's profile

Well I can say this does have Originality.

The lyerics seem interesting. I want to know Brian Binamo. I think you should add a little more to make it a bit longer. Best of luck.

I thanked her but said my fiancée wouldn't like it. I found this sentence a little confusing. I dressed at Gale’s apartment, and I wore the little black dress. I don't think you need a coma if you use the word and. I liked how you explained your characters before getting into the story. I need to read the other chapters in order to get a could feel of the story. From what I read I do like it.

The fight scene with the brass knuckles was a good touch. A lot of images pop into my mind as I read that. You mention in one verse crying will ruin your skin. Try to explain why he would say this. Nash’s father raised his aviator shades, his green eyes connecting with Trec‘s. Maybe say locking instead of connecting. Just a thought. I like where this was going but I did read the other chapters first. Good Job keep it up.

i reply. It should be I reply. i believe them. I believe. And secretly i am jealous. I am. Look for all of your I's. Other than that the story is has a good pace. Just try to keep it interesting. Good Job.