jalvah's profile
AGE:
31
LOC: Centreville, VA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 11
LOC: Centreville, VA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 11
Too weird to live,
Too weird to live.
Items
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
DEATH AND MADNESS IN GUERRILLA MARKETING HALO ONE The DC building was one of the most fantastic monuments to man’s sickest visions of grandeur the world had ever birthed, and nothing like it had been constructed for centuries upon centuries. No one could seem to remember the time of its construction or unveiling, and to every foreign eye in the city it was the strangest creation there or anywhere. But to the common passerby who saw it in an everyday s...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
11 Reviews
3 Comments
DEATH AND MADNESS IN GUERILLA MARKETING HALO ONE The DC building was one of the most fantastic monuments to man’s sickest visions of grandeur the world had ever birthed, and nothing like it had been constructed for centuries upon centuries. No one could seem to remember the time of its construction or unveiling, and to every foreign eye in the city it was the strangest creation there or anywhere. But to the common passerby who saw it in an everyday sense, it was no more out of place than the ...
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
This sort of story isn't really my kind of thing (I'm not a big fan of fantasy), but I find it to be very fluent and potentially interesting to the particular audience it would attract. I liked the characterization of the dragon and I think the work has a nice close at the end (it leaves a sense of interest for the following chapter, which is a very positive skill). Without knowing the previous chapters, however, I'm not confident in my critique of it. There were two minor mistakes that I thi...
I loved this! You may have gotten reviews from others that think it's too "jumpy," but it's an excellent style. You're very good at introducing every one of your segments, which I believe is an art form in itself, and you have it down! The only negative thing I have to say about the "jumpiness" is that it's better suited for a lengthier work and not a short story. Have you ever considered writing a screenplay? Your narrative style is very cinematic and I think you'd be excellent at it if you ...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Your style is very smooth and somewhat detached, which I think is a good quality here. I also admire your knowledge of, and attention to, detail. I could read this kind of detail-oriented prose (especially with the market in the opening) for a good long while without tiring of it. However, the story and the dialogue could have a little more direction, even if it's not thematic (I like the alternative just as well). But then I haven't seen the rest of the story, so I could completely change my...
This is very good considering you were what - ten years old? Impressive! I gave the one criterion (to be reviewed by readers) only "5" because I don't understand the criterion. I think you definitely have talent and you should keep at it! I liked the style and the "third-level" detail like with the grocery items and the path up the hill (third-level detail is a term an old professor of mine used to describe very specific things in moderation to give a story more color). You're very good at it...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
