iris's profile

Interesting poem, not sure how to properly critique it. Contrived morbid humor isn't really my forte. I do like the way the words sound when reading it aloud though. It is structurally sound. Give me some specifications on what you want in your critique and ill try to help you out more.

Great poem. I think if your smoking is effecting your health and sleep patters maybe its time to quit.

Well a few things, I like the screaming baby analogy but the sentence needs some help. Also,Think you need to have something to break up "scared as hell" with "she thought about it," to really emphasize the thinking process she went through.

This is very funny. Your grandfather must have had a great sense of humor! Is tale supposed to be spelled that way?

I love that you started the poem with monday morning coffee and closed it with tuesday morning coffe. I wouldn't say that you necessarily need more in the middle, just need to play with the wording a little more.