in_the_mindseye's profile

The details really paint a picture. The suggestion that I have is that you take out some of the words that distract from your poem and shorten some of the sentences. Example: gazed out the window ... over the courtyard... silly old French clock... ratty, old pickled cupboards... and perhaps tie in something to make the last sentence relate more to the rest of the poem...

For the ‘I love you’, Doesn’t need a jury. I have no criticism. This is very personal and does more than warm a few hearts. I liked it very much. Poetry like this reaches so many in different ways because this is an issue not just you though this was personal...but most all struggle with...hence warms more than a few hearts.

Need to focus on using more artistry with your words and less general and overused words (such as feeling/feelings/sadness/crying/etc.). Instead of using Indiana...use something to describe Indiana...paint with your words...the paper is your palette...someone somewhere else does not know an Indiana spring storm...show with words...paint a picture. Also, try to avoid contractions. Consider focusing on The Worm Drowns, developing your idea within that theme, and leaving the personal reference o...

The madness itself understands the depth and complexities of itself. Robin Ferguson

I would continue to develop it and try to paint a picture with your words. Instead of telling so much show more with your words...make the pen in your hands a paintbrush and enable your readers to see what you are trying to describe. You have clearly got talent.