I'm not sure what you want criticized.. I thought this was kinda cool, surreal and metaphysical. I don't know why you posted this if you didn't want any criticism, however. This is not a short story. This could be classified as Flash Fiction (since it's short). I think you need to work on being open to taking criticism, especially if you actually wanna be a writer.

I thought this had a lot of heart. My criticism would be towards the characterization of the Angel of War. I'm not sure if I buy her change in attitude towards war. I feel like if an Angel is an Angel of something, they would unwaveringly carry out their duty without hesitation, even if in their mind they may not agree with what they're duty. I don't know, maybe I'm over thinking this. I feel like the characters, including the child, are flat. However, I think this is more allegory than actua...

I thought this was a good start. I think the way you portrayed the father leaving was a bit cliched. I think it would be more powerful if you described the actual event a little more in depth, giving the reader more than just a slamming door to see when they visualize a father leaving. At the beginning of a story, you'll have to keep the reader reading. At this point it's just good. Hasn't "hooked" me completely yet. Anyway, I'd like to see where this is going. Thanks for sharing!

I really liked this piece, both parts. I liked how they were linked by time, but not related in subject. I think the second part was especially heart tugging without being melodramatic, which I loved. I thought the structure was very sophisticated. My only criticism would be the "Boss of Seconds" line. I feel like that epithet is a bit out of place/irrelevant/forced (can't decide which one). Anyway, really really liked this poem. Thanks for sharing it!

I loved this story. The language was so intriguing, it flowed so well, I didn't even realize the length. The dialogue between the characters was not forced or boring; was actually intriguing. I feel like these characters are very, very familiar to me, as well as the scenerio at the end, which I think you handled very gracefully. I love how you showed the humanity in Virgil, how you described him as being from "God Forgot Urban D.C.". I think there is so much understanding in that phrase. I lo...

I read the original story to get some more background on this script. As a Caribbean girl, I can identify with what the message of this story is, at least what Talia is preaching about and the Mumia references. I liked the basic story you have here and the complex characters you used. My main criticism would be with the screenwriting format. Not necessarily the actual rule and spacing and such, although that would be very helpful if you wanna get this produced, but the different approach you ...

I thought this was a very clear, concise query letter. I think brevity and poignancy is everything a publisher is looking for. You seem to have gotten the jist of your idea across very well. I also think column is very palatable and light, something I think any magazine would enjoy. Good luck!

I'm not sure if this is part of a larger piece, but I think this could do with a bit more detail as far as character. Right now, the characters seem a little flat, and the dialogue makes it more so. I very much like the dysfunctional family sort of idea of a 14 year old so in love with her older sister's husband, that she's willing to sacrifice the relationship between her and her sister. I think some of the wordiness can be cleaned up and more direct, i.e. "It was like the burning in her eye...

You warmed my heart. Like I'm seriously about to break down into nostalgic large corporation hating tears. I worked at the UPenn Bookstore (A Barnes and Noble affiliate. Yes you can use your teacher's discount here. No you can't purchase a card here. Because we are one of the college bookstores, not the main bookstore. Well if you go to the one in Center Ci-- Well I'm sorry ma'am, we just don't have our database set up the same--). So. I totally feel your pain! I also would advise you against...

I actually really like this. I'm excited to see what I'm assuming will be your version of our demise due to order or whatever it is that is the opposite of our folly in the search for truth. Or whatever. I like it! It flows. I would suggest paragraph breaks in any new ideas, just because people like white space in their reading. It's much less dense. My one critique would be the questions after the first paragraph. I think more profound questions would mesh better with the deepness of what fo...