ilegalimex's profile

A beautiful story with a very unexpected main character, who I sympathize with and was invested in the whole story. The bed's downfall broke my heart so much more than the curly haired man's. The only thing that took me out of the story was the brackets around the dream sequences. I think a space between paragraphs and italics would be enough to delineate those passages as dream sequences. As for what I wanted to happen.. I wanted my bed to experience a family the way it wanted to. It's punis...

I love this. I think the dialogue is sharp and clear, for the most part, and I enjoy the characters you've introduced. I also love the uniqueness of the characters and setting. I would advise you to sharpen up extra words and actions, i.e. the scene where Brone charges at Nedra, with Jensen stepping in between the two: Brone charged at her, stopped by Jensen, "Dude, she's a girl." Red in the face, Brone spat, "Some girls deserve it." Nedra calmly opened the door to her red Honda... yadada Sim...

I liked the picture this paints. My guess as far as the characters/world/what's next is that maybe these are people living in a world after technology and have gone back to the land, and maybe something is coming that threatens to turn all that around? Or this is an alternate universe where people flee from some larger force every so often? I'm not sure, but I do like the sort of antiquated dialogue and idyllic setting. The image of barley in late summer is a beautiful one. The crows cawing o...