ilegalimex's profile

I actually really like this. I'm excited to see what I'm assuming will be your version of our demise due to order or whatever it is that is the opposite of our folly in the search for truth. Or whatever. I like it! It flows. I would suggest paragraph breaks in any new ideas, just because people like white space in their reading. It's much less dense. My one critique would be the questions after the first paragraph. I think more profound questions would mesh better with the deepness of what fo...

You warmed my heart. Like I'm seriously about to break down into nostalgic large corporation hating tears. I worked at the UPenn Bookstore (A Barnes and Noble affiliate. Yes you can use your teacher's discount here. No you can't purchase a card here. Because we are one of the college bookstores, not the main bookstore. Well if you go to the one in Center Ci-- Well I'm sorry ma'am, we just don't have our database set up the same--). So. I totally feel your pain! I also would advise you against...

I'm not sure if this is part of a larger piece, but I think this could do with a bit more detail as far as character. Right now, the characters seem a little flat, and the dialogue makes it more so. I very much like the dysfunctional family sort of idea of a 14 year old so in love with her older sister's husband, that she's willing to sacrifice the relationship between her and her sister. I think some of the wordiness can be cleaned up and more direct, i.e. "It was like the burning in her eye...

I thought this was a very clear, concise query letter. I think brevity and poignancy is everything a publisher is looking for. You seem to have gotten the jist of your idea across very well. I also think column is very palatable and light, something I think any magazine would enjoy. Good luck!