horse's profile
AGE:
41
LOC: Plano, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 06
LOC: Plano, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 06
My life is far too active right now, so I’m not putting the finishing touches on many pieces. So that I’m contributing in some manner, I’m going to toss up some reading suggestions every so often…just things that I like.
“Love is a Dog From Hell” – Charles Bukowski
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I’m an avid reader and sometime writer. I love to play poker. I’m a bit of a gym-aholic…it helps keep me sane.
I have a background in English Literature, but I don’t t readily admit it.
Favorite prose: Hemingway, Bukowski, Wilde, Kerouac, Celine, John Fante, Chekov, Hamsun, Tom Stoppard, and Dostoevsky.
Favorite poetry: Bukowski, William Carlos Williams, some of Ezra Pound, Pablo Neruda, and Ginsberg.
I typically write poetry, though I do occasiona…
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Items
Version 3
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Driving into San Francisco, seeing the familiar landmarks pass – Oyster Point, The Cow Palace, the sad hillside where rocks spell out the words, “South San Francisco". Excitement builds slowly as the taxi’s odometer rolls the miles. It always feels this way. This is the city of the Beats, my first true literary obsession that drove me to pick up the pen and put words on paper that, in reality, were derivative but felt fresh and alive at the time. For me, the Beats gave way to Bukowski and thi...
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Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Driving into San Francisco, seeing the familiar landmarks pass – Oyster Point, The Cow Palace, the sad hillside where rocks spell out the words, “South San Francisco". Excitement builds slowly as the taxi’s odometer rolls the miles. It always feels this way. This is the city of the Beats, my first true literary obsession that drove me to pick up the pen and put words on paper that, in reality, were derivative but felt fresh and alive at the time. For me, the Beats gave way to Bukowski and thi...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Driving into San Francisco, watching the familiar landmarks pass – Oyster Point, The Cow Palace, the sad hillside where rocks spell out the words, “South San Francisco” – the excitement builds slowly as the taxi’s odometer rolls the miles. It always feels this way. This is the city of the Beats, my first true literary obsession that drove me to pick up the pen and put words on paper that, in reality, were derivative but felt fresh and alive at the time. For me, the Beats gave way to Bukowski ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 4
14 Reviews
7 Comments
Ambien Sleep fueled by Ambien dreams bleeds into sluggish days that pass in a white haze — my head is thick with the shit but I can’t sleep without it. Over time, it dulls wit and forgetfulness plays about the brain with clumsy movements. Thoughts perform a circus for dullards motions jerky and incomplete that simply trail off…
Ratings & Rankings
Version 3
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Ambien Sleep fueled by Ambien dreams Bleeds into sluggish days that pass in a white haze — my head is thick with the shit but I can’t sleep without it. Over time, it dulls wit and forgetfulness plays about the brain with clumsy movements. Thoughts perform a circus for dullards motions jerky and incomplete that simply trail off…
Ratings & Rankings
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Reviews
This piece is a bit difficult to critique with great detail due to the repetitive nature. In all, it is eloquent and reads in an interesting way due to the positioning of exclamatory and non-exclamatory lines. I assume that the poem is likely a part of a larger body of work that would offer some extra context for the reader. The piece is not likely to stand on its own for many readers. Instead, it feels “right” for a soliloquy on the edge of madness for the leading lady (for reasons that I ca...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Alright, cool…I like the originality and flow of this piece. It straddles the line between romanticism and realism in a manner that works. For me, the flow is at its best in lines 6 – 11. They ooze sexuality and regret and have movement (like the hips, I suspect) – nice work. A few suggestions: - I realize the word play in lines 3 and 4, but the general theme of “see your face in a crowded room” put me off at the start. That said, the piece did reel me back in after a few lines. - “Thoughtful...
I reviewed an earlier edit and feel that this version flows much better due to the corrections and word choice. Nice revision.
I read this piece several times and -- given that your comments indicate that you're satisfied with the stanza structure -- I don't find much that I would change. The language is simple and effective. The one line that tripped me up was "making its way". Every time I read the poem, my mind wanted to eliminate that line. Try reading the stanza aloud, without it and see what you think. Interesting piece - good luck.
I like the title of this piece a lot. It feels fresh. The piece has some interesting moments and the flow works well in most places. A few suggestions: 1) While I understand the desire to convey confusion, I'm not a fan of starting a poem with a question -- or two. It rarely feels powerful and can have trouble grabbing a reader. I suggest leading into the piece in a different manner. For instance, to say close to your lines: There came a sound and then a light, bringing an end too sleep at ni...
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