heidipatton's profile
AGE:
44
LOC: Aurora, CO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 21
LOC: Aurora, CO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 21
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My Wish Came True You, my love, are a golden light, a silent cry of gilded rapture forever muffled by the pumping of my blood through the veins of my love for you. You are the wish fulfilled in my life, for I can't imagine walking alone this time around… without the seemingly endless supply of passion you provide. For every wish I've ever made that didn't come true… candles blown out, falling stars from the sky, trains roaring over bridges, every eyelash stuck to my thumb instead of my finger...
Version 1
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The Consequence Please change my ticket from one-way to round trip cause I don't want to be stuck with your selfishness so thick, in case I get fed up with it. Cry me a river for all your misfortunes that seem to drown you on your path of destruction; all wet, but clean in your tone so mean, bitter but sweet are your words to me. Sorry for the consequence of finally making sense of it; this puzzled life so far survived is just now opening doors so wide. I, for one, can only see the future as ...
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This is the first piece I will add to my favorites! I do have a few suggestions...I would have put it in a 4-line stanza form and added just a few words and changed some punctuation... Love has a shadow; a ghost you might say. It follows and stalks you each night and each day. Forget if you can. Repent if you must. It is a taunting thing you must not trust. Tortured by memories of beautiful things... You’ll soon learn to hate it and the tears that it brings. Dreams of cold fingers clutching y...
First let me say that I can relate to this poem, although on somewhat of a different level. I wrote a flagship piece entitled "Desert of Tears" that eluded to a similar meaning. However, you could have done so much more with this to personalize it; make it belong to Heath. I would have loved to have been able to smell the day old sweat embedded in one of his sweaters that still lingers, still making you "thirsty". "Coz now you are locked within my heart" made me feel like you didn't really ca...
Bravo...from the perspective of a 4-legged friend, a companion in life and in death. I was brought into this piece with a cunning pen. Walking as the dog right alongside you through the cemetery, feeling your pain the way an animal does when their master is hurting. A beautiful piece of work.
Words of wisdom from a loving mother...poetic in verse yet it needs to have form and function. This could be so much more powerful if it was in poetic form...structured to lead us, pull at the emotion you are trying to evoke.
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