handsomedave's profile

I really like your format. How its laid out with a one line description than a two line explanation. It feels like something is lacking. Like I don't understand what point you're trying to make. It meanders and doesn't seem to go anywhere. Me I'd look for a more powerful punch at the end. Oh and I love the rhyming. Its always beautiful when people rhyme.

I don't know much but at least you wrote something funny. I don't know if its written as a strict haiku or the right amount of beats per line and stuff. But it describes "the king" perfectly I say. Brialliant.

Very enjoyable read. Nice mix of wordiness and slang. One thing I don't really understand what is going on. Is it suppose to be about something that happened in the past. Someone musing on the past. Thats what I don't really understand. Maybe your intention is for it to be vague. My only problem really is your use of the word lodestone. I don't know what it is and it draws me out of the poem. Especially "lodestone smells"? I don't understand. Other than that I like.

I wouldn't know who to categorize as the suicide generation, but I have many guesses. This poem makes me think. Makes me think about all the people I see around me and your poem brings to life the feelings that I feel when I look at them. The only technical thing that I can find that could be changed is you could remove the comma in the first line. It would read better without it. Otherwise great images, really nice flow. Kicks ass.