I think it's a little too over done... very drawn out. I was hoping this would be a little more worth reading, but when it came to the end I just kind of rolled my eyes because it's just another silly ghost story. You built up this nice down to earth family to tell us that one of them saw a ghost... and they stayed at a Holiday Inn... I'm very disappointed. Getting to know characters, a long winded every day life of a family just doing normal things (nothing entertaining or having anything to...

Detective Yates is too repetitive at the start, try mixing it up, using Yates, Detective or use his actions to identify him. Also always start anything in quotes with capitals. Like "Monsters are very real," he continues "If you..." so on. specter should be spectre although it might be able to be spelled either way... not sure on that. But I'd use spectre to be safe or look it up. This part "you caught his squad car driving around you’d think to yourself that it was little more than a figment...

"She knew it was going to be over but she still held on to the hope that perhaps today wouldn’t be the day since it was an especially bad day for her." That part I don't like because you used the word day a few times, kind of stopped me. "She was trying so hard to hold it all together; to keep herself insane." keep herself insane or sane? :) Also I feel like the second paragraph was a little redundant, it was pretty obvious she lost it, but you went a little overboard explaining that. Althoug...

This to me seems totally random yet creatively descriptive inspired by your emotions over spending time with someone. I say it seems random because I don't really get a lot of what you were trying to get across with certain parts, but then I've never been good with poetry. I like straight forward rather than poetic and vague. Still I liked it because of it's randomness, it was emotional and mysterious, but I can't be sure what it's about. I like the imagery, that's what made it work for me. W...

I'm not much of a poetry critic, and I'm not good at poetry either. But I'll give it a shot. From what I can tell, the obvious, you are giving closure? Perhaps you didn't in person so you wrote a poem? Or maybe they wouldn't give up, and you had to write it out. Then again it could just be totally creative, or you're giving yourself closure. I have no clue! That's why I don't enjoy poetry, and the stuff usually rhymes! In a slight way, I've wanted to say goodbye to someone in much the same wa...

Your opening kind of made me feel like I shouldn't read further in, you should definitely make your opener draw people in from the start. Keep them reading, then add history or background as you go in. Starting off with a greeting is good in real life, but I think it's more important to grab the reader. I love the writing as I go, although I'm not quite sure how I feel about a person telling a story in a story yet, but I like the feeling of what your writing gives me. It's detailed and gettin...

It's starting out slow, but not a bad thing. Good imagery and detailing the surroundings so far. I can picture the scene well, and that's great. This line didn't make much sense to me, “Must be a hundred and ten in here she told her sister, Laney.” Maybe the quotes were misplaced? This 'Wilder holler' was capitalised prior and then not after. There are also commas where they shouldn't be, so grammar is obviously not right in a lot of places. Example: 'By the time, she reached the big flat roc...

Already in the first paragraph, I have no idea what is going on. You're talking about a girl, and now someone saying they grow a beard. Very confusing, lack of substance or detail, and that's just the first paragraph. Swum is not a word... and other grammar problems are littered throughout this story. Basically, this needs a lot more detail. I'm guessing whoever it is we're reading about is working in a store. There is absolutely no transition between scenes, so your writing gets really confu...

Well it reads like a bad trip, yet there is something poetic about it. It's somehow emotional enough to draw me in, nothing really makes sense in this piece. I can only guess that he's upset over a girl that left him and he took a bunch of drugs to drown her out. Grammar problems are all over this, but I won't bring them up... it's obvious that this needs a lot of work. This story jumps from one scene to the next without any transition at all. One minute he's lying in a church yard, the next ...

Nice way to draw the reader in, I found it amusing. Just had to type that in as I read on. Very nice stream of conciousness, I'm able to imagine the person without needing any real detail, and also feel sorry for how pathetic his situation is. It's a dark and sad situation, but also very amusing. Great job on keeping the characters unique, they are interesting (a eunuch! How sad yet funny when he finds himself "busting" the main character), the stuttering was well written in the dialogue. The...