groovieknave's profile
AGE:
30
LOC: Rio Rancho, NM
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 23
LOC: Rio Rancho, NM
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 23
I’m trying to learn how to become a better writer. I’m trying to find the style that works best for me, so I’m experimenting with different styles right now. I mostly write comedy, to entertain, but I also enjoy adding bits of symbolism. Sometimes I stray from comedy and write romance/fantasy.
I’m constantly writing, I have so many ideas that rarely get finished. I’m lucky to finish anything with the amount of ideas I have. I’ve only posted what I’ve completed as first writes. As with anything, they are a work in progress. This is what I use Urbis for, to find out if my writing experiments are working, what they need improvement on (besides grammar because I know I need work there), and if they are even worth expanding and developing…
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Items
Version 3
5 Reviews
8 Comments
He slid behind the legs of adults, some of them with thighs like giant fat pigs. He looked up and saw bellies, chins. No faces, he frowned. How freaky! Pushing on legs that only sometimes moved, and other times forced him to squeeze between knees which pushed against his chest. It sort of hurt, but more like uncomfortable. He stopped in the forest of different pants and shoes for a moment to catch his breath. Then he stuffed his hand in his pocket with one eyebrow raised, he pulled out his li...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
He slid behind the legs of adults, some of them with thighs like giant fat pigs. He looked up and saw bellies, chins. No faces, he frowned. How freaky! Pushing on legs that only sometimes moved, and other times forced him to squeeze between knees which pushed against his chest. It sort of hurt, but more like uncomfortable. He stopped in the forest of different pants and shoes for a moment to catch his breath. Then he stuffed his hand in his pocket with one eyebrow raised, he pulled out his li...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
6 Reviews
5 Comments
He slid behind the legs of adults, some of them with thighs like giant fat pigs. He looked up and saw bellies, chins. No faces, he frowned. How freaky! Pushing on legs that only sometimes moved, and other times forced him to squeeze between knees which pushed against his chest. It sort of hurt, but more like uncomfortable. He stopped in the forest of different pants and shoes for a moment to catch his breath. Then he stuffed his hand in his pocket with one eyebrow raised, he pulled out his li...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
7 Reviews
15 Comments
The object placed into the box was somewhat important not vital just important. So the object was placed and surrounded in tiny pieces of foam for protection. The box was closed and sealed shut with tape to prevent being opened. An address was written and then a return address also. Then the box was carried to a counter with a register on top of it and a fake smiling human being behind it. The box was carefully taken from the customer with overacted nods and more fake smiles. The box was pla...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
7 Reviews
10 Comments
Do you ever get into those situations where you just can't get anything right? Then this horrible thing happens... the sinking feeling. That terrible hollow gut with the hot flash of embarassment? Like your stomach is weighted down? For example, someone goes, "Man, these city lights sure are fucken cool!" You say "I don't think so, it is only the mere attitude that influences your perception to make it seem so cool." Heads turn. Music stops. Helicopter crashes. "Say what?" jaw dropped person ...
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I'm not much of a poetry critic, and I'm not good at poetry either. But I'll give it a shot. From what I can tell, the obvious, you are giving closure? Perhaps you didn't in person so you wrote a poem? Or maybe they wouldn't give up, and you had to write it out. Then again it could just be totally creative, or you're giving yourself closure. I have no clue! That's why I don't enjoy poetry, and the stuff usually rhymes! In a slight way, I've wanted to say goodbye to someone in much the same wa...
This to me seems totally random yet creatively descriptive inspired by your emotions over spending time with someone. I say it seems random because I don't really get a lot of what you were trying to get across with certain parts, but then I've never been good with poetry. I like straight forward rather than poetic and vague. Still I liked it because of it's randomness, it was emotional and mysterious, but I can't be sure what it's about. I like the imagery, that's what made it work for me. W...
"She knew it was going to be over but she still held on to the hope that perhaps today wouldn’t be the day since it was an especially bad day for her." That part I don't like because you used the word day a few times, kind of stopped me. "She was trying so hard to hold it all together; to keep herself insane." keep herself insane or sane? :) Also I feel like the second paragraph was a little redundant, it was pretty obvious she lost it, but you went a little overboard explaining that. Althoug...
Detective Yates is too repetitive at the start, try mixing it up, using Yates, Detective or use his actions to identify him. Also always start anything in quotes with capitals. Like "Monsters are very real," he continues "If you..." so on. specter should be spectre although it might be able to be spelled either way... not sure on that. But I'd use spectre to be safe or look it up. This part "you caught his squad car driving around you’d think to yourself that it was little more than a figment...
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