greenmosswhitetree's profile
AGE:
15
LOC: Pasadena, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 29
LOC: Pasadena, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 29
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Items
Version 1
12 Reviews
1 Comment
Robert opened his eyes. Milky light sauntered aimlessly through a cobweb-covered window on the far side of the room, only visible during the day. Rain pounded against the thin plaster walls, forcing its way through a crack in the roof. A thin layer of dust coated the scuffed wooden floor. “Are you awake?” he asked. Robert’s voice wandered through the room, making him feel very much alone. Juliet shifted slightly, her back cracking painfully. Her neck and shoulders ac...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
10 Reviews
3 Comments
Heaven shining down on dirty stone dusty floors dingy light bulbs. Overgrown weeds cascade in a cacophony or color. My ear tastes the sweet touch of clatter and bang. Ping-pong and camembert if nothing else. Rhythm and rhyme swinging up and down around and around. Dark green vines creeping up and up into the arms of stone.
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This is nice. I'm not sure "itself" is necessary, but I guess you have to have a sixth word.. It seems a bit generic though. Try to make it a little more personal.
Quote 1: Very clever. It's a nice take on the hackneyed "that which does not kill me makes me stronger" line. Quote 2: This is really good. It's thoughtful and poignant while not over explaining. Quote 3: I really like this. It makes you think about humanity a little bit. Quotes 4 and 5: While not really "quotes" in that sense, these are both great bits of dialogue. (By the way..you probably noticed this, but I have a feeling it should be "diplomacy.") Quote 6: For some reason, this doesn't s...
This poem is awesome! The only lines that I'm not sure about are the one that begin with "so let us wrap ourselves" and the line after that. They seem to change the mood of the poem a little bit. But other than that, it really is a wonderful poem. You pulled off the Shakespearean language beautifully.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I love this. The beginning is wonderfully dry and professor-y, and the end is really nice.
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