it's skin like gray ashes with wrinkles so deep it's dark eyes & long lashes ---should be its, not it's Other than that...it's adorable. :D

A bit cliche, but I like it. I think it would be improved with a bit stronger wordage...perhaps a few (less cliche) descriptive phrases? Just a thought.

There's not really enough here to make up a story...it's just a scene... My suggestion would be to show more...describe what's happening, what Hammer is seeing--if you don't, we (readers) can't visualize it as well. The storyline so far is interesting--I'd probably keep reading. :D Keep writing!!

I like where you going here--the writing needs tightened up a bit. Try and make meaningful connections between your statements and questions--some are a little puzzling--like the bit toward the end with the 'light in the dark'/'push me astray' I don't see the correlation there. Keep writing!

Wow--first off--what's with all the rating criteria? Two or three does it, really. As for the poem itself, it starts off moving in a good direction, then meanders off someplace else. Perhaps try to remain focused on the idea presented in the first line, and go with that? The stanza with the questions seems to be where things break loose. Perhaps if you drew the halves together with something more at the end? Keep writing.

Brilliant. I love the incorporation of the obit, worked into the piece, yet personalized for its intended.

First off, I'm still a bit unclear as to what's supposed to be going on. The guy's being paid off--but by whom? And for what reason? It's hard to get into a story with no character names, doubly so when the action goes nowhere fast. In the beginning, why can it not be cold at 4:35 pm? There are plenty of places and seasons in which it'd be cold out at that time, sunny or not. I think it'd come off better if you did a bit more description. That applies for the rest of the story. Also, back and...

I like the idea you've got going here. A little tweaking, and it'd easily be a 'fave.' This line--"turning all different shades of color"--is somewhat odd to me. They turn colors just to turn black? Or do they pool together (as if afraid to be out in the open?) and muddle to black? Rewording would clarify as well as do away with the 'turning/turn' redundancy. My only other issue is the intermittent rhyme...some readers will not mind (or scarcely notice) but it is off-putting for some. Somethi...

I think with some editing and perhaps reformatting you'd have a good piece here. Giving it some structure, ie, breaking it into stanzas, would make a difference on readability...and there are a few spots where the wording is a bit awkward ("She threw the sick to road") but the narrative is good. Keep writing!