glambourine's profile

glambourine avatar
AGE: 25
LAST LOGIN: December 05

I write fanciful stories and novels, you see.  I also have a webcomic at http://mwhf.keenspace.com.  I am from Texas.

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Version 2
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In the summer when Julie Thatch was nine, Tabitha came into the living room where her sister was reading her secondhand Madeline L’Engle paperbacks. She put her hands on her hips, thicker now, and she pursed her lips, painted in red and outlined in black.   “It’s time for you to learn about your body, Julie,” she said. “Come with me.” Thatch could never resist her sister. She put down her book and followed Tabitha into their mother’s bedroom. Th...
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Query Letter / Query Letter, ITI
Version 1
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September 27, 2008 Mr. Laghi, My name is John Thornton, and I'd like to submit the first chapter of my novel, "The Institute Of Temporal Illusions", for consideration at LJK. Here's the Urbis copy of the first chapter: http://urbis.com/media/view/122858/institute-of-temporal-illusions-ch-1-in-progress I'm just giving you the link to this because I don't want to flood the submissions queue on your Urbis page. If you'd like, you can contact me to get a .doc version of this, or a pape...
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Opportunities
Version 1
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Tabitha died. Everyone did, Thatch guessed. Tabitha's bedroom had become Thatch's bedroom, or as good as. No one else wanted to touch Tabitha's things and no one wanted to tell Thatch that living in Tabitha's room wasn't healthy. No one wanted to believe that she'd be next, which was stupid. She wasn't going to be next. Things didn't repeat like that. She was into survival, Julie Thatch was, at whatever cost. Some sisterly aura allowed Thatch to move through the space uncontaminated by death,...
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Short Story / Chairs
Version 1
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Her parents were the kind of people who never really wanted a child, but–victims of a conspiratorial Fate that they were–ended up with one anyway. They were glad enough about it, after a while; they began to see the benefits, the hidden plusses of the whole thing. But their life was a compromise, and they knew it, and they made sure that she knew it, too. And that was how it was. They were great collectors of antique furniture, and the living room was like a time capsule, a museum. They had a...
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Competent, but I need more: more development, more descriptions, more context (maybe reading the other two chapters would help with this last.) The decision reached in this chapter (to hire Colin) is a big one, probably the inciting event for the whole novel-to-be, and it just comes too easily--you should be able to stretch out this scene in the label office for many more pages than this, ramp up the tension a lot, define these characters more. A few of the conversations come off as "staged",...
Agh, there's no more of this? You had me completely hooked! Nice characterization on Riley and on Jacob. Nice, vivid descriptions of the effects of fear. Extremely good tension in the flashback sequence, and in the present as well. The knocks: the killing of Jacob's parents gets a little too close to being silly, mainly because we get the vivid descriptions (the torso falling) after we get the general descriptions. We expect violence, and then we get a specific act of violence, and it loses i...
Novel Treatments / Dark Little Town
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Not much to say about this that I didn't say in the other chapter reviews: great story/conflicts, but needs way more vivid descriptions. (Though the rape flashback works, what with the ripped shirts, swollen eyes, etc.) Also, dream sequences are very hard to pull off, and I'm not sure this one works (though at least they're brief.) You've got a tight novel going here, in terms of plot, but your descriptions and sense of world need to be heightened. This should come out in revision pretty easi...
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