Interesting in its simplicity...nice imagery such as "glitter-dust stars"--but I didnt understand "drunk in the absence of glory". My overall feeling is that this poem needs development--perhaps it could be longer & maybe develop those imagery patterns--perhaps around the notion of the "constraints of solitude". Ending is very good--expansive, reaching beyond the constraints you refer to earlier--so an effective ending. Keep writing--Poet on!!

very good--I like the patterning into non-rhyming couplets (till the last stanza with the additional line emphasizing the importance of the colours' crashing) and the development that ties the "crashing of the colours" (good & original image that--colours crashing down on the sight) through the poem. I doen't see the relevance of the lines "I've never seen a clown...I never wanted to crawl" though they are nifty. Perhaps if you could expand the poem--develop it further with the imagery patter...

very good--surrealist work (but then it would be, being based on a dream or vision)--it does have the quality of a dream with a worm/locomotive careening behind the lips--great imaginative & original imagery--especially the last stanza about the unique movement of the eyes (I wish I had written of, or at least, had thought of that notion)--very subtle & excellent notion in miniature. this is actually quite a frightening poem, to me that is, more of a nightmare than a dream. Very effective. Se...

Wow--this is better than I can do. Very imaginative & orginal view of reading! Also very nifty beginning--grabs you & pulls you in. I wonder about the "propelling"--maybe a stronger image in keeping with the firearm--like "blasting". I also like the notion of the page as a "room". Reminds me of Donne's "Canonization" poem which refers to crafting little rooms out of sonnets, or something like that. Excellent imagery, but I would like to se more of it--could you make it longer & develop more o...

very clear & articulate work about a subject that perhaps defies words ("If words could weep", as Donne writes in one of his funeral elegies)--this is very moving & effective, though calling the Twin Towers a Goliath, though effective & memorable, is perhaps disrespectful--after all Goliath was the bad guy, right? I can't, in my wildest dreams, see Al-Qaeda as David, even if they are the "underdog". I see al Qaeda more as fanatical Hitler Youth nazis, desparately using modern technology to br...

Brilliant--especially the imagery & the powerful expressions you use--including new expressions like "mind-tingler". At the same time I found it bit difficult to understand, though I like the growing sense of your movement culminating in the ending where you become everything--amazing imagery such as leaping through labia & avalanche within--I dont understand though quite what all this powerful original imagery is trying to say--unless it is a kind of mood that you are trying to describe. Per...

Interesting story--though I found the "Darwin" name for the creator a tad obvious, though ironic. I liked the ending except maybe you could give an ironic kind of twist to the ending in a more detailed explanation of why God destroyed her--perhaps come up with something really ironic. I think the story has potential to be published in a science fiction or fantasy anthology of thumbnail fiction like those anthologies of very short fantasy & science fiction that Isaac Asimov used to edit in the...

Witty--but is it a poem? Maybe you are using a Japanese form--I don't know those? To me true poetry has to have measure, but what do I know. Actually, it would be interesting if you did a series of short works like this one on Zen--it could also be educational as well as entertaining. Original & nifty idea, this "koan poem" of yours--keep the puns koaning!

Perhaps your word choice could be jazzed up--it is good to be simple, direct, colloquial & thus seemingly powerful, as you do here, but... I know this is an imitation of the long-limbed Ginsberg (did he get his style from Whitman? Blake? the Bible? all 3?), but it seems to me to be lacking the detonations, the resounding echoes of his phrases--his power is missing because the expressions are too direct or typical of prosaic prose. Are there cadences here? Even prose in the Bible has a measure...

Depressing but effective--especially in the short lines that pack more punch that way. But I miss any sort of imagery--preferably original, startling imagery that may convey your message better or at least more memorably. Try reading Evie Christie's recent collection f poems, "Gutted". There are many poems in that book that deal with the same topic you handle here, but Christie does so in such a startling, original way with amazing imagery.