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frankay26's profile
AGE:
67
LOC: Mcalester, OK
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 25
LOC: Mcalester, OK
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 25
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Version 1
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Bermuda grass is something with which I have a love - hate relationship. I love its carpety look when it is thick and neatly mown. It is soft under foot, great to stretch out on under a summer shade tree. I even like it’s little seed stalks that stand up and wave like tiny flags toward the sun. You can pull them and chew on the succulent stems. But Bermuda grass has a mind of it’s own. I want it to grow in my yard. It wants to grow in my flower garden. It wants to grow in the gravel of my dri...
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For a short story, it is slow. Please study grammer mechanics. I'm sorry not to be able to be more positive, but if I were grading this, it would have a lot of red marks.
I find your storytelling very appealing. You use vivid visualization. The only two suggestions that I have for you are these. Review your rules of punctuation and other grammer mechanics. (...my watching..) not (me watching). The other is that you should not feel obligated to use rough, vulgar language. It clashes with the elegance and sophistication that you display by exhibiting your knowledge of classical music. Good luck and keep writing.
You have a good start. It needs a little more polish. With the style you have chosen the rhythm must be right. Each line in each particular stanza should have the same rhythm. In stanza 1, line 4 you could leave out "in my head" and make the rhythm match without loosing meaning. In stanza 2, line 3, you could adjust to something like, "Reaching out to those who have not a clue" Stanza 3, work on line 3. Keep writing, just don't be afraid to polish after you get the initial thought down. I hea...
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