festadapaz's profile
AGE:
42
LOC: Inglewood, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 23
LOC: Inglewood, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 23
Real.
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Version 1
16 Reviews
1 Comment
DECISIONS BEFORE DAWN TREATMENT LOG: A dramatic love triad interacts throughout history in search of love and each other. A rift has existed between MAN and WOMAN almost since the moment they were created. Eight months from now, in New York, THE RIFT is going to be sealed by the ones who caused it, Adam, the first MAN, Lilith, the first WOMAN and Eve, the first FEMALE. Paradise: The Beginning of Time. Lilith and Adam are created at the same time and from the same material. They are equals in ...
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Those who defend their opinion are blind, deaf, stupid and dumb.
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
Time is the only answer to the questions I have. Time and patience. Time to see if God is listening and the patience to wait for the answer. I look to the stars for a sign, to point the way. Like a runaway slave trying to find North and freedom from my chains. An escape attempt to a better way of life. Running from somewhere to nowhere. Running from myself, into myself, and towards myself all at once, and again. Everywhere the mirror stands in the corner, Always staring back. The picture whos...
Version 1
4 Reviews
3 Comments
I remember riding my new bike through a nearby nature trail for the first time. I knew every inch of that park because I had played and walked it for years. It was a dream of mine to race through those woods on a bright red Mongoose. At $150.00, it was very expensive. I asked my grand father if I could have one the first time I saw it perched high on a display rack in JC Penny’s. He said he would help me buy it. If I raised half the money, he would put the remaining half on his card, and I co...
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Holding Out When you look at me, Please tell me what you see. Am I a woman in I your eyes, Or can you see through my disguise. If I promise you my heart, Will you be honest from the start? Or will you still be the playing games, That makes most boys all the same? Chorus: I’m holding out for a real man. When I need a hug he understands. He already knows my wants and needs. And the difference that lies between. I need a real man. The type to kiss my hand. Doesn’t worry what I do. Cause I’ll be ...
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Reviews
….decaying organic matter, I …. Only organic matter decays. “organic” is not needed. … creep down this God-forsaken …. “creep down” implies a descent, but I do no think or feel you were moving downhill. “creep through” …it is sickening in the most foul way! This is repetitive. Anything sickening is foul and you really do not need to say “in the most foul way!” …with rotten tree and grasses, though… rotten trees and…. I run and run and then I run no more…. I understand the prose, but I do not ...
…rest of the surroundings. As always, …. Too many spaces between the end of the first sentence and the following one. …really is of no matter, but …. This sounds ambiguious. “really does not matter” What are you supposed to talk about when you don’t talk about love? Using talk twice in the same sentence is repetitive. What are you supposed to talk about when you do not discuss love? What did Raymond Carver know about love anyway? I do not know who Raymond Carver is and I am not about to look ...
Burroughs isn't going to get very far using lines like that.
First, I feel a ring of racism in this. "Nigger" and "Blacky" stick out. Second, this work has too many run-on sentences and fragmented sentences. The read horribly and are terribly confusing. No one should ahve to read a sentence three times to try and figure out what you are referring to. Third, the story is entertaining, but hard to read because of the above comments. Fourth, you misuse the colon (:) on several occassions. Fifth, you tell the reader that you are 14 years old over and over....
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