There was something disjointed about the poem. I read through it twice silently and then again out loud and still it sounded disconnected and lacked flow. The work starts sounding like someone with emotional/psychological issues, i.e., self-esteem issues. But then ends like a rebels war cry and I found it hard to reconcile this obvious disparity. If you want to leave it as it is, maybe you could change the name to A Multiple's Lament. OTherwise, I would go back and make the symmetry of the wo...

Overall, I liked this free verse. It tells a compelling story, draws the reader into the drama. It does not take you by the hand but leads you with timing and well placed spaces and well used words to a common conclusion. I like how you used the spaces outside of the words to tell the story as well. My suggestions are as follows: L2: "...well-hidden - I almost..." "Until I looked at you so free and easy and beautiful... "...and remembered." L5: "Then" instead of And L9: Take out "I" it is sup...

First of all, thanks for inviting me to review your piece. I did not read part 1 as you invited me to two part 2s and I wasn't sure which to read first; so this was the one I chose. I had a bunch of little problems: spelling, words acting as adjectives that shoulda been hyphenated, some good dialogue against some weaker lines, some tense errors and other grammatical conflicts. Nothing really major, just distracting. The 2 main problems I have with this Part, is that the beginning dialogue was...

Some minor spelling and grammatical errors, but nothing that spellchecker wouldn't catch and allow you to correct. I liked your use of the spaces around the stanzas to create a feeling of motion, but I didn't understand their point. Particularly liked the first stanza and thought it was strong, despite wrong spelled incorrectly with an "e" There were some weak imagery that seemed more like filler against some of your stronger images, or that seemed there to create flow without adding anything...

First of all, thanks for inviting me to review your work. There were many things about it I liked: It was full of pleasant and magical images and I could see what you were describing for some reason, as I am not a visual person from a 'meditation, imagine-a-tree type visual perspective, however, I could see very emerald green and little people in colorful clothing, so for this reason it seemed magical to me. I did however have a few problems as I didn't find the poetic structure tight enough ...

As much as I don't care for your offering's subject; I did take the time to read it twice and it does have some merit, even if the message goes against my beliefs: I do applaud your willingness to just say what you think about God and Jesus and Religion w/out calling out "denominations." I do agree, however, that religion, take it, or leave it, is in and of itself not inherently bad, as the ages might portray. Nothing is good or bad. It is the use to which the thing itself is put that colors ...

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my GOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT I have really enjoyed this. Even tho L4 needs extra syllable and L5 MUST rhyme with Lines 1 & 2! Maybe Line 4: He said, I am so glad (for 6, rather than 5) and Line 5: when put on over what they've erected. (10 syllables, but it works with rhyme, meter and stress) try subjected, respected, dejected, perfected. This is a fine collaboration now, if you accept my line. I am really impressed! thanks for writing a great limerick High marks from me i...

What would've had more impact than underscores/italics/and/bolds would've been for you to have posted a limerick. Umbrage is indeed to be taken when a bit of writing claims to be a Limerick but then fails to conform in every conceivable way to the very form it says itself to be. Now, I don't wanna spend your credits explaining what a limerick is, but this work of yours, is, in point, NOT a limerick. It is a poem. Cheeky and clever, but, NOT a limerick. A limerick is 99669 - this is not. A lim...

Man, that was a LOT of existential gloom, but with enough truth, intelligence and inspiration in it to make it tolerable. There is one line page 2 of 4, paragrapah 1, where you say "scold the flesh" did you mean "scorch"??? Anyway, I thought this was a bit of brilliance and I thought it moved well from beginning to end with great imagery (albeit dark and forboding and.. "now it's time for my paxil" wait there.) It tied the beginning well back into the end and the reviewer notes were helpful. ...

Let say, please take no offense at my review as it is not personal: I review many limerick offerings, and grow tired of commenting on them as it takes so long to instruct would-be limerick writers. I could avoid them, but don't because I love them and am always hopefully expectant. Here goes: Your poem is NOT a limerick! It is a POEM!! A cute poem, (as you say in the reader notes), BUT it is NOT a limerick. Maybe you clicked the wrong button when selecting the category. I will support why I s...