Your story seems really good so far. The only problem I had was that you said he'd come back in the morning "drunk" which led me to believe that he was out drinking with his friends, but then at the end you reveal that he's actually a werewolf, so that kind of threw me off. You might want to use a different word to describe him. Also, there seems to be no reason for him transforming into a wolf. I'm assuming this gets revealed later, but you might want to add something in here to give the rea...

Your writing is very clear and descriptive. You did a great job creating a vivid and palpable atmosphere. However, nothing really happens in this world that you've created. I'm assuming that this is the entire first chapter and if so I think it needs to introduce the main characters as well as adding in some sort of plot. Especially if this is a novel treatment, you need to capture the interest of an agent or publisher and in order to do that there needs to be some action that takes place.

It's really well-written and it addresses everything it needs to in order to feel complete. The only thing is that when one spouse leaves another it's not usually like they run away. I'd imagine that he knows where his wife went and she told him she was leaving him, so I don't think he'd spend weeks looking for her, but maybe weeks calling her and trying to reach her. Other than that, it's a good, solid piece.

I think you've got a great premise for a story there and it's definately something I'd be interested in reading. I particularly like the use of the hurricane as a backdrop at the end of the novel. I have no doubt this will get published.

I really liked your story and I'm very interested to see what happens next and how Rylee confronts Julian. It's all very well-written and very descriptive. There are a few technical errors that I'm not sure about, though. First, I don't think that psychotherapists practice in hospitals, maybe some sort of asylum or other containment, but I don't think it would be an actual hospital. Second, a psychiatrist is the kind of professional that has license to prescribe patients drugs, most pyscholog...

Your story was well-written and easy to follow along, which can be rare in this genre. But I don't quite understand what about the traveller makes the Council welcome him into the community and even help try to solve their problem. If they're truly war-weary I'd imagine that they'd be highly xenophobic and want to keep an outsiders away from this creation that seems to be so important. Maybe if you included something where the traveller showed them some of his magic or something and then they...

One of the best things about your story was that it captured an eighteen-year-old's perspective on a situation like this so well. I love the line "they were so fucking cool" after he describes all of the weapons being unloaded. The only thing I didn't like was that Caleb seemed so soft on Tox. In this environment I'd expect him to be much more of a hard-ass. He might let Tox be a soldier again, but I think you should add something in there where he makes Tox work to get that position back. So...

I thought this was really good and an interesting take on the beginning of a good horror movie. I like the poetic/stream of consciousness style of writing, though I don't think it needs to be in all capitals. The strange thing is that the character seems to be comfortable in these surroundings and I think you need to either give us a reason for her being so comfortable, or make her seem more scared than she is.

Good job! The setting was clear through the character's dialogue and descriptions of the surrounding areas. You might want to spend a little more time describing Jorik though, because I feel like I hardly know what he looks like yet. Also you describe the town as being rural, but also bustling and busy and that kind of threw me off. I'm guessing that the part of town he's in is busy, but there's a rural area too, but at that point I'd just describe the town as being busy. The story flows real...

Your story was beautifully written, very detailed, very vivid, and very realistic. I could completely see this being a fantasy novel in a book store. The only problem I had is that, particularly when you're describing Imaseth, you sometimes use details over and over again to describe the area. Like you say the area was nicer than surrounding areas, and that it was comfortable than everywhere else, and that it had been separated off from everywhere else, and that it had been separated off from...