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estudio64's profile
AGE:
23
LOC: Bryan, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 28
LOC: Bryan, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 28
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Version 1
1 Review
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Timmy was marketing his alchemistic wares at the BOHS homecoming game. A fold-up card table was the Atlas of Timmy's world - deodrites, kedoolic, stehanophohol (it had its market), winsedrich, bits of coal and California river gold, and what was left of the irevatif potion Timmy, uh, helped his daughter make for her science fair project. The two-for-one on science fair boards offered Timmy a wonderful marketing advantage - this was a visual age, indeed. Randomly colored construction paper - ...
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Version 1
8 Reviews
2 Comments
My keyboard has only escape keys.
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Great progression. Really there are only a couple of words that you might look at revising to better this guy's impact. The first is "woes" - I feel there's a better word that could go here . . . "woes" seems too general - I can't tell you what to replace it with - there are a lot of directions it could go. Then there's the title of the third vingette, which I feel should reference its being the 'last' rather than the 'third.' It might add meaning considering the content of the third thing. O...
Six sad words, yes - but sadly, I don't want to be sad - but maybe I do, a certain kind of sad . . . this is generic sad. Refund this review if you'd like, but my honest advice is to start from the drawing board and think about why.
Inspiring and maybe the best that six words can do. But isn't there really a better word for 'spirit'? What exactly do you mean by 'spirit'? By what means do you access it to know that it is indeed 'soaring'? What does it feel like to have YOUR spirit soar? I'm tired of mine, frankly - why else would I be reading? :) Like I said, though - six words is a clever trap to have to escape from, and for what your six words say, I agree with you.
Starbucks puts me off, but I do agree. Ah, for a writer to die, and finally know what it doesn't feel like to be celebrated.
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