First off, excellent introduction, it pulled me in quickly and I really like the subject matter. You have a very beautiful way of writing fantasy. Nice transition from Caul to Mystery Man, also. It did become kind of tedious toward the end of the first chapter, running, then sleeping, then state of confusion, etc. I've read worse though, that has been published, too! He is a good writer but he drags on two characters running away from a pursuer...for at least 3 chapters! Anyway, you've kept m...

Just one thing! :: "Such truths of fundamental relation are forever obscured by of time’s veil of brightly suggestive fibers." 'obscured by (of) time's...' Besides that, rather than trying to acutely relate this to my (minimal!) scientific knowledge, I just let your words flow and create some strong imagery in my mind. Beautiful words, I feel like you zoomed in (though as incorrect as it probably is!) onto a tip of a nebula and painted the image with words and questions. I could read this ove...

First of all, really like the parallelism you used in the first two paragraphs! As for word flow--I can't complain! The only thing that jumped out at me was 'smelly airplane'. Maybe use a more poetic synonym, since after reading the contrast between nature and the MC's situation, 'smelly' just seemed a bit off! Grammatically, I noticed the phrase: 'mind; homicide' -- rather than a semicolon, it should be a colon (since 'homicide was' isn't a complete sentence!). Really like 'if it hadn’t been...

I think it's pretty well-written, as well as somewhat poetic, and it definitely raises questions as to why the character is upset (or is he happy? Jubilation means to show joy and satisfaction, but then you have him complain about the woes of life). But it seems a little too generic. If I might be so bold as to suggest taking out the first paragraph altogether and just starting off with the dialogue? That is just my opinion though, you don't have to listen to me! I think you have a good thing...

First, the little things: minor spellcheck error! 'thrust -->st her head,”Ha!!” ' And also a little confused about where you describe that her ear 'migrated to the top of her skull'..? It might just be my ignorance, and you did well not to go into details--you've probably already explained it earlier! and grammar: 'where (should be 'were') directions.' But overall, good pace. Quick fighting scenes are hard to write and you didn't stray from the fight itself, and I could see everything bein...

Very nice writing, and a very clever way of introducing the main character via an interview! I was immediately sucked into who this character is and intrigued by his nepostic fame. You weaved in his attentiveness with his agent--honestly, I thought that they might be in/have had a relationship and that he was being a slightly obsessive boyfriend/exboyfriend (or to-be boyfriend!). But I'm sure that will all be explained in due time. Also, my first impression was that he was being interviewed f...