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elementalwarior's profile
AGE:
53
LOC: Richmond, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 11
LOC: Richmond, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 11
I create as an artist, writer, website designer, actor, cartoonist, musician, photographer, painter, and sculptor.
Pioneer: Founded Creative Writing as a Major at WSU; Comic Book Conventions; the Theta Grammar Jammer fraternity.
Author: Compared to Ian Fleming, Walt Whitman, Robert Heinlein, Harlan Ellison and Daschiel Hammett.
Finalist, Writers of the Future: SF Grand Master Frederick Pohl ranks WOTF as prestigious as the Hugo and Nebula awards; Co-winner, British National Poetry award; Hurricane Rita blog published by England’s The Guardian, Ireland’s Willesden Herald and NZ’s Art Magazine. Manager of the Pleasure Dome, an on-line writer’s home: http://groups.msn.com/ThePleasureDomeahomeforwriters/frontpage.msnw
Painter, arti…
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Tribute to the Schrade Knife Company, 1904-2004 I bought a Schrade Folding Hunter at Builder’s Supply in Salt Lake City, Utah. I’d made knives. I’d carried knives from before eighth grade, when I hand-carved a fishing lure and caught a large-mouth bass. I needed a quality lockback. Your competitors charged $10 extra for a famous name. You guaranteed your knives for life. I bought the knife and moved to my own land in the high desert, where the temperature could be 60 below, or 100 above -- an...
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Version 1
12 Reviews
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Here's the bio: He is a Futurist, Ethicist, consultant, educator, author, and triathalete. He homesteaded as Thoreau did. He’s driven horses and turbocharged tractors; built wind, water, solar and geothermal engines; farmed 40 to 500,000 acres. He helped establish the first Organically Grown codes. Clients include Fortune 100, pro athletes, financial services, engineering firms, individuals, non-profits, and health and fitness professionals. So that's under 60 words. Does it establish my cred...
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1. Please break this into stanzas. You make it hard for your readers otherwise. Waves break, you know. 2. Rhythm or structure: Fair to Good. Better than a lot. I think, since waves have rhythm, this poem needs it. Wave' after wave' crash'es ov'er me', (try crash not crashes) push'ing me' fur'ther and fur'ther along'. I' fight' with all' that I' am, yell'ing for help', 3. Imagery. "dawn before the sun" is great. "narrow strip of sand" is good. Work on making the rest that strong.
Wow. Your imagery is the strongest I've seen on this joint. It's like you're talking to people. Some other poems try to talk to thin air, the Muse of beauty or try to hide their immateriality and lack of content behind couched and mysterious imagery. Not this. I celebrate. For some reason this reminds me of that Chicago poem by Carl Sandberg. At first it jarred, when you put yoursef into the poem (start of fourth stanza) and although I question it, it's real. Very real. I think why it jars is...
1. Structure and Rhythm: Fair to Good. Were the poem more serious in treatment of subject, i'd recommend crafting it into a sonnet. 2. Imagery: I dunno. The first line may be trite, but it gives a picture. Then the rest of the poem isn't concrete enough; where are the images? "Work" is too general. See what I mean? "Mining salt" or "Pearl diving" or "Slapping pavement" give the reader a more concrete image. On the other hand, you may have wanted to convey abstraction. 3. Get it over the plate...
This poem needs consolidation or meditation. The last four stanzas give variations of the same ideas: 1. be strong. 2. beware 3. bubble will pop. To my lights, either have three stanzas or give us new ideas, new images. Imagery is good. Better than most I've seen today.
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