eldarbee's profile

Interesting and well-written piece - elements that I loved was the zombie discussion in New York, and the discussion of musical qualities of road workers. The pushing and pulling between the microcosm and macrocosm is good too.

Fun to read and intriguing, a nice use of description and good scene setting.

Now I want to know why it was today that he was found!

An enjoyable, thought-provoking and well paced story, with the right amount of intrigue. You wrote it well - I wanted to find out Abdi's story which I thought was told with a good level of intensity and well researched. I also thought that the contrast between Abdi's background and the backgrounds of the other students stood out well. The only slight hiccup I had was with the flow of actions in the following paragraph: “Mr Stephens, you have to come to the yard,” puffed a red- faced Year ...

Interesting snapshot, good use of language - flows really well. I see what you're doing with the repetition of the title 'She opened her legs' to punctuate the flow of description, and I like it although maybe it is repeated a little too often - that would be my only advice to cut (pun not intended) the use of that phrase down a little. Good work.