An interesting piece. You do a good job of providing description, and the dialogue is pretty good. One thing you need to keep in mind is your POV. Occasionally, you slip in some editorial comment, or give Jake more knowledge than he should have. Examples: "Nobody likes their home to feel..." This seems more like an editorial generalization rather than Jake's thoughts. "See, now here was Jacob’s dilemma." Again, this "voice" is coming from somewhere outside Jake. I would suggest "Jake had a di...

Since this is non-fiction, I will limit my efforts to general grammar, typos, and such. "...forgive him anything<,> and I..." Comma here. "...his conscious..." Conscience "...told me<,> and that..." Comma Overseas - one word "...he begun to sing..." Began (and I'd drop the word "though" a few words later) ..."met and it was..." End the sentence with "met," drop "and," start a new sentence with "It." "...started going off<.> so I..." Start a new sentence with "So." I liked th...

An interesting story. I think you do a good job showing Malcomb's situation and state of mind with minimal detail. I did notice that you seemed to switch POVs just a bit after you go back to Malcomb's POV when Reynolds tries to get him to look on the bright side and "the words felt hollow coming out." Kind of a switch to her POV in the middle of his. The only other thing that occurred to me was that if I were Malcomb, having just gone through the list of sounds I missed, I might ask Reynolds ...

OK, the lack of caps, while distracting, I will assume was intentional and leave it at that. Very good job of portraying the internal dialogue and irrational fear we ridiculous men go through before we say those three little words. The only thing I saw was that I wasn't sure who was speaking the first line after his internal thought about what he can say. Other than that, great work.

I thought this was well done. Didn't see anything that really jumped out at me that could be changed or improved upon. Some might say there was a bit too much description, but I thought everything that was there added to the scene and/or story. The only thing that struck me is that it seemed like he came to his perspective-altering revelation a bit suddenly. It might help to have him do a little internal question and answer session as he tries to sort out his priorities instead of having it a...

I thought this was well written, and you do a good job with the description. It was very easy for me to picture the setting as I read. The biggest hurdle for me was that I wasn't always sure who was speaking. When it's a one-on-one conversation, it's pretty easy to figure this out, but when there are three or more characters involved, the reader needs something to know who's saying what. You, as the author, don't have to wonder who's speaking, but your reader only knows what you show or tell ...

You do an excellent job with your imagery, and I found the story very engaging and well-written. So as not to waste your credits, I'll simply stop there and point out some things that stood out for me. "stark gorgeousness" This seemed a bit clumsy in the flow that had been established, and almost seems like a contradiction, as stark is usually interpreted as bare, while gorgeous would seem to imply something ornate or intricately done. I would suggest perhaps "stark beauty," or maybe "ornate ...

An interesting beginning. The one thing that stood out, though, was that the timeline was unclear. You go into what appears to be a flashback with the introduction of the traveler, but then there is no indication that we have come back to the present until we see the Elders turn back to the craftswoman. That threw me out of the story for a moment while I went back to figure out what had happened. I would suggest reintroducing the traveler again after the flashback paragraph to indicate the re...

I think this version works much better (at least for me). There was only one thing I might change. The sentence, “A representative came forward from the council and returned the bow.” seems a bit much considering you’ve already established that the traveler is walking with only two of the Elders on the way to the craftswoman’s cottage, rather than the entire Council. For me, a simple, “The two Elders returned his bow.” and go on from there with their dialogue would maintain the scene better. ...

"...like an ocean’s burst on Cardiff’s St Mary Street..." This seems to imply that there is more than one ocean that could possibly burst on St. Mary Street. This may be true, but if not, it seems like it should either be "the ocean's..," or "an ocean burst..." I liked the visual of stomped spaghetti. Original. Ooh, very nice twist at the end. Making the character seem uncharacteristically bumbling and then turning it around with the weapon was a nice touch. You do an excellent job with the d...