duskyshadows's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Todd, NC
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 11
LOC: Todd, NC
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 11
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Items
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
Prison is a cruel world that toughens even the innocent, welding them into the very weapons it was made to destroy. To see that world close up- to prove that I could make it through that world with my soul in tact where so many others had failed- now that I was a dream I wanted to conquer. All I would have to do was something small and insignificant to find myself behind bars. At least that’s what I thought. The truth is no one can escape such a place without learning how to survive th...
Version 2
14 Reviews
4 Comments
Prison is a stark, harsh world that hardens even the most jaded of men, molding them into the very weapons society tries to destroy. Instead of reforming the murderers, the rapists, the thieves, prison refines those skills, perfects them. My intent wasn’t to become a weapon, but to prove to society that I could make it through with my integrity intact. I had lived my entire life, terrified that I would never have the respect I gave so freely to others. I wanted to prove that I could do someth...
Version 2
4 Reviews
2 Comments
The world rests on shoulders, Weary with its weight These shoulders glide in ease, Lighting up rooms with affection. Others lower their heads, Their eyes downcast, unable to tie the noose around their necks. These shoulders sulk in corners, Termed a necessary nuisance. Others glare, scoff, turn away, Unable to remove the sadness That resides within their eyes. These shoulders stalk like predators, The prey all safe and sound. Others sigh, shake their heads, unable to discover the strength res...
Version 1
5 Reviews
1 Comment
Down on luck, or so it seemed, she did her job in automated steps. Greet, swipe card, take groceries from cart. Scan, bag, thank, wish customers goodnight. They stand there watching like hawks, keeping an eye out for a possible mistake. She sighs inside, ignores them mostly, gets lost in repetition of pick up, scan, set down. Some do smile, albeit falsely, pretending to be interested, but really just in a hurry. She ignores them, except for the necessary greeting and parting required by her j...
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
The world rests on shoulders Weary with its weight. These shoulders bear it gracefully, admired for their courage. Others watch in shame, Unable to comprehend the Strength it takes to tie the Noose around their necks. These shoulders bear it woefully, Despised despite their strength. Others watch in hatred, Unable to comprehend the Strength it takes to remove The sadness from their eyes. These shoulders bear it angrily, Inducing only pity. Others watch in sympathy, Able to comprehend the hatr...
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Reviews
I loved this story! It was absolutely hilarious. As for critiques, even though I did manage to enjoy it, the plot line is rather confusing. I understand that he's an actor... or is he a pirate that's lost his memory.. as you can see, it's confusing because all of a sudden this little guy shows up and addresses him as a captain. I think maybe more in-depth information about the reason he's receiving these emails and packages would be helpful in order to establish if he's an actor or a pirate c...
I think that you definitely have an interesting way of presenting an age old concept- of building walls to keep people out just to let one in and have your heart broken and building those same walls up again. I didn't, however, feel passion in your writing. And that, for me, is one of the most important things. I honestly didn't feel the character in your poem- I didn't feel his need for walls, I just felt apathy coming from him the entire time. I think that you need to take us inside him, le...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
This was definitely a good story and I enjoyed reading it. My advice to you would be to work on your fight scenes because they end to quickly and I didn't really understand how Luther and the assailant ended up in their positions. I mean, if Lina attacked him once, she could've done so again to keep Luther from resorting to drastic measures. And she didn't fight back the first time, and while I understand that she didn't have her tazor on her, she still could've kicked and punched at the guy....
I really enjoyed this poem up until the last stanza. You do a really nice play on time, especially in lines like "you have become a part time and no time man" and "you don't know time, mr. part time." Those are some of the best lines in this poem in my honest opinion. The last stanza confuses me, because you suddenly switch from 2nd person to first and it badly disrupts the flow. I would rewrite it in this fashion, but that, of course, is entirely up to you. So you see daddy you don't know ti...
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