dragonbite's profile

This writing is a rambling of metaphors that just dont do justice to the feelings and experience you seem to alude to. You constantly refer to bugs and birds but with no definable reason. I understand that 'scorpion" might be a name that you used in private but it does nothing for the poem. Also when you talk about the spider being vengful it makes no logical sense because spiders do not have human feelings. You may want to pull more emotion and out of how you feel about this girl. When you r...

The facination for this artist comes through in your writing. It does not block out who and what the artist was and that helps the reader either get excited or bored by the topic. I found it intriguing, especially the particulars about painting or drawing on newspapers and playbills. That is a unique fact that you highlighted well, and helped to keep me interested in this man. I will now go and look him up on the internet to see what he is all about. Good reporting.

"She carried herself as if she harbored a huge secret, maybe the key to the meaning of life." This is a very good sentence it helps to give meaning to what has already been stated. It is also building a tension for the reader, which is important in keeping our eyes moving forward. "for love anc" typo-should be and. It is a very descriptive piece of writing, and you play out the dreams and fantasies very well. In the end the I found myselfself hating you the writer because I wanted to know mor...

The first sentence needs to be broken up into two sentances. Perhaps make the stop point for the first sentence "Ravelen". It will help the reader become introduced with better flow. This piece seems to be better suited if it were a chapter 2. The reason being is that as a reader I have become completely confused between the names of the places and the names of the people. This leaves me frustrated and going back over the work to figure out who is the kind, where is his kingdom and who are th...