dollops's profile
AGE:
43
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 15
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 15
I think maybe they mean ‘read’ my dear:other users to read, unless this is some kind of trans-meditation kind of deal in which one ‘sees’ with the obiquitous inner eye.Or perhaps they cannot read ,although on reflection that would rather defeat the point and such a waste of all those Ofsted reports and pretending to live on the other side of the street.
What does everybody else say?Oh that’s a bit lame;one is hardly a conformist is one?Not an ‘-ist’of anything:sounds far to technical and mundane when all one needs is tea and biscuits and a floppy hat.Oh and my words.I cannot live without my words.
Reviews
The shift of balance is good in this piece:Tiffany's control shifting to the "monster" through her action of opening the door being replaced by his finality of closing it and counterpoised beautifully in the middle by her "letting him enter".Such mimmicry of action to positional vocabulary adds a good resonant depth to the overall symmetry of the piece. I did wonder whether the scarf was wet.On pondering this,a dry scarf would not work.A wet one may add menance.A forewarn. Is "talking to your...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Brutal,destructive containment of the (English) language.Removal of sensory perception.The only truth : a 1 or a 0.Nothing inbetween.Nothing else needed.Designed flexibility through an inflexible truth. "I hear no more" is a good little phrase..constant noise but no sound;no natural diversification to spark interest.A type of 'put out the light'for the ears. Interesting background noise of death to the creator by the created and not so much a cycle of life but one of death.Possibly inevitable...
Very good actually except for: Your "that" (third verse last line).'That' is a problem word because it serves no purpose and pulls the reader out at that point.Which is a shame because the ride was pretty good.Just drop it.Effect...greater strength to "feel" and "real" which is great because this whole thing is about reality and perception(even deception).Same point could apply to that rather sad "and" sitting at the front of line 18.Try moving it to the position of "but" which you get rid of...
I think the "miles" is superfluous.Mention frequent flyer and everybody will immediately 'get you'.Infact i think you could just add an 's' on the end of flyer: "i call them frequent flyers".Not only is joke delivery speeded up,it sort of gets your reader/audience into your 'club' of knowledge and gives a greater feeling of inside knowlegde being shared. Of course that also reinforces the whole programme of FF's as bad.Which to most people i would hazard a guess rings true.Another essential i...
I read the title and think umm..what is filled with space..what kind of space..why and how much. Scanning i get the sense of life and death or more particulary birth and death.Fed by the "hatches" in line 1,the "eroding" in line 2 the "blossom" in line 6 the "anew" in line 12 the "light this spark to start again" line 14 and "daybreak" of the last line.Contextually the daybreak in the last line (ie in the death of the poem)emphasizes this element of birth of a new hope:"this brilliant burst"....
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