doctorindyj's profile

>>roam the vast Universe How does one define a vast universe before time. Maybe calling it the vast nothingness or something like that. >>falling deep into the hateful darkness that was around her. Then what? Usually in creation myths, every detail means something. The tear would usually become something. >>beautiful Goddess, This is kind of like the tree falling in the forest. If there is no one to see or experience it, how do you know that she is beautiful? >>Though ...

>>It made no sense to me; it wasn't as This whole sentence has an awkward composition and I don't think the semi-colon is needed. >>or tried to warn visitors, was Why would anyone visit this town. Pre telephone days aside, things like this get around. For example Bob, disappears when going there. Then Dave disappears and then Veronica. They would start to see a pattern maybe. Also why wouldn't more people just move away as well if things were as bad as described. I would. >>...

>>What a night for a rainstorm,” Don't want to nitpick but no opening quotes is kind of glaring. >>My henchman would he really refer to his man as a henchman? >>a train to Dublin. Can you take a train from Essex to Dublin? >>“Yes,” Andrew answered thoughtfully. How does one answer thoughtfully? I hate to pull out the show don't tell card but there you are. >>Madame Chantal urged said in frustration This needs editing. >>was out of it—he was—mad. >>A p...

>>if the ghost of French fries past were sitting on her chest Your first paragraph sets the mood for the whole chapter if not the book and starting off so judgmental and sarcastic is okay if that's what you want but some people may be put off by that. The character in the next seems to be too in a good mood to be this cynical. Also in the first paragraph your meaning seems to be getting lost in the flowery prose and sentence complexity. I had to go over some of the descriptions again an...

>>I realized that’s where the agents were taking me. Just a thought but wouldn't this be one of the logical places the bad guys would look for them? >>The chain of power was short; Okay there were some confusing things that may need a little more explanation in this paragraph that may have needed some clarification, at least for me. One head of chair of what? I get the east west thing but chair of the board, chair of the committee? Also what is a pap? >>“Mom, who took dad?” ...