docschwop's profile
AGE:
33
LOC: Missoula, MT
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 03
LOC: Missoula, MT
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 03
I am the poet laureate of my own head. From this vantage point, I see the world as beauty. All things are beautiful when seen in the right light.
Items
Version 1
7 Reviews
0 Comments
(Book of Dreams Part C: chapters 1-10) I. The green hill is clouded with lost sheep baring it like polluted steam. II. The stream flows around brown deposits III. and around my feet green halos of shallow mosses living off farmers follies and the dust of life. IV. I've lost my way and stand cloud gazing grazing on the sights from the middle of the field. V. Only three more rotations until I understand your fragile heart. VI. your fragile mind is already mine with its pretty neurons a-firing. ...
Version 1
10 Reviews
0 Comments
Calgon took me away and now I breathe in the summer's day dazed by the alcoholic whistle of the breeze and sneezing back a free sample of my DNA, The CIA couldn't find me now, No longer am I surrounded by a screaming, selfish world the twitter of the bird is all that can be heard as my head rests against the trunk of this great pine, and the only voice that can be discerned is clearly mine. Could I sing more plaintively to the birds in the trees? If sorrow was once more mine. But the sun warm...
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Act I: { Curtain flutters to the sides of the stage, two ancient magicians moving to reveal the source of their power. The stage: filled with invisible elves intricately building a tower. The tower: odd angles producing in the viewer a broader sense of self, an understanding of fellow beings, and ultimately a respect for all things as it reaches toward god.} Whispers offstage: "What is it?" "An empty stage?" { Four minutes of silence, the elves working furiously, the audience becoming restles...
Version 1
10 Reviews
0 Comments
I. (the fall:) Laughing, We agree that, to defeat boredom, we should split up Fly into the night and stroll through the day. The challenge being this: How will we ever find ourselves again? II. (life:) Wandering, I have seen Many who would thank god for boredom. Seperate and shuddering Teeth clicking a blue rhythm of cold where once a smile lit drowned in experience drowned and begging god's forgiveness. But still, nearby I see a man eating ham and drinking wine, his best suit on, a black ja...
Version 1
24 Reviews
3 Comments
leaves slapping my cheaks leave stinging echoes of my passage bounce off of solid grey cliffs rising into a scattered pattern of greys whites and why I see purple higlights here and there the cry of a bird. the drums of the city the drifting melody getting lost in washy chords and echoes of drums mix themselves up with my footfalls as their slapping bounces off of solid grey walls rising into neon signs here and there the cry of a bird. My third glass leaves my cheaks stinging echoes of my la...
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Reviews
This has some great imagery. "Red juice lava flows down an ivory hillside" is a great image. The meter is good, it never felt awkward or clumsy. I did feel like the work didn't get me wherever I was supposed to be. I got the idea that the author was talking about a saltwater cave in the tropics but maybe not. Oh... never mind. I get it now. Sexy. Nice. Haha. A very naughty image. Keep up the good work.
I was expecting more out of the bike story... but it all came together in the end. Very emotional to read that last conversation with your father. This story may need some workshopping. It could be tightened up just a bit. The description of the bike could be more exsquisite, more details like the book carrier - maybe the color. Good work. I wouldn't be suprised if you got this published.
I thought this had a lot of potential. The language is very rich in places. In others a little confusing. I liked these lines - To my minds eye it thinks it spots a shape, What it is at first I cannot say, Then it moves at a speed that brings to mind violent images, The first line is wrong in so many ways, but the meter and the sound of the line make up for the strange awkwardness of the mind's eye spotting a shape. One line later you have three lines that seem to mimic the meter of this line...
This has a celtic rhythm to it. Soothing. Which seems to reinforce and juxtapose with the intent of the poem. It seems like you are doing well working with contrasts in this poem: In the second and third line marred / peace. In the second and third stanza freedom / no escape. Good job keeping the meter all the way through. All and all a good package.
This poem has a lot of good points. There are images that are great. I feel that the metaphors could be strengthened with something concrete. There are a lot of vague words that struggle to create an image. Heavens, tears, beams of the sun, rainbow etc. are all very ethereal and make for a misty sort of image. I feel that if you juxtapose these airy words with more earthy words that describe a tree like rough or bark you could have more of a contrast between the world surrounding the tree and...
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