djb297's profile

djb297 avatar
AGE: 27
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 07

I’m a graduate of an M.A. in Creative Writing program, and have a full-length finished manuscript to show for my effort. I am in need of an agent who has virtual balls, although this isn’t probably the best enticement. The book is titled KOMA and the first three sections can be viewed below. Thanks to all who have offered suggestions for improvements to the posted work and to those who will do so in the future.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Novel Treatments / KOMA
Version 1
6 Reviews   5 Comments
The First Night Alpha Strings Since long before Zeus topped his father, Cronus, to become lord of all and CEO of the largest company in the universe, three goddess sisters began to determine the Destiny of both gods and mortals alike. All lovers of Greek mythology know them as the Fates; goddesses with fiery sides. Clotho, the Spinner, wove the strings, Lachesis, the Apportioner, measured the strings, and Atropos, the Inevitable, cut the strings. The process was and is, with some adjustments,...
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Short Story / Sour
Version 1
8 Reviews   1 Comment
Sour The sour cream just appeared in the refrigerator one day. No one remembered buying it. Dad asked everyone and when they denied buying it, he denied buying it himself. The expiration date was within the appropriate time frame and the seal was unbroken so the sour cream was kept. That night we turned up the music so we couldn’t hear them fight. It was the first time the radio couldn’t go loud enough to drown them out. Most nights it was about money, what he spent, what she hid from him, an...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / I Forgive You
Version 1
9 Reviews   5 Comments
I Forgive You It doesn’t matter that it was you speeding down the hill. It could have been anyone that hit me so hard I did somersaults in the air. You didn’t see me with your head somewhere else; you were probably wondering how you would ask your boss for a raise, or approach your cheating wife. I overheard you last Thursday in the diner booth next to me. Not that I had been listening, but it was hard not to hear the strained voice that accompanied each miserable tale. When I looked at you I...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Short Story / Kisses
Very nice vignette. The descriptions are great, and the twist at the end is nice. This could certainly fit into a longer piece seemlessly. Good job.
Novel Treatments / The Barleycorn Files
Looking at this quickly, it reads more like a novel outline than good fiction writing. Point of view shifts are probably the hardest thing for a novelist to master, at least that's what the late-Norman Mailer said to me in his living room. You seem to be doing an okay job with the transitions. The most work needs to be focused on the beginning and making it eye catching, not merely description.
Good, and brief introductory for writers looking to fulfill what promise they think they have. What you don't explain is how to handle the rejection of agents and publishers that tell you the book is good, but they can't find a market for it. That is possibly the one that stings the most. Where does a writer go from there? Perhaps you want to explore that further with successive drafts.
It's a nice story that takes me back to my childhood. You might want to reshape the beginning a little bit better to clue the reader in sooner so they don't feel so lost. The last paragraph also needs some work, it drags a little bit.
Novel Treatments / This Time Tomorrow
This is a novel treatment? You've got to be kidding me. Maybe you're trying for the avant garde sort of thing, but I'm a classicist and I don't get it. It looks like it might have a shot as a short story, but it reads more like a teenage rant. I embrace your desire to be a writer, but don't subject the rest of us to "novel treatments" like these without putting the thought of what goes into a novel behind it.
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