dissonance's profile

dissonance avatar
AGE: 26
LOC: Boca Raton, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 03

I’d rather leave it to the words :-)

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Novel Treatments / The Green Man
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
The alarm fails to alert anyone to the time, least of all Audrey. It watches her eyes skip back and forth against her lids instead, counting the minutes it’s allowed her to gain in dreams. At precisely the same time, a dog two yards over sees a cardinal. The creature is singing and hopping, twitching his tail feathers in unison with his collective composition. He’s on a branch a good 10 feet above The Dog. Feeling audacious, he hops down the branches of the trees without missing a beat. Twit...
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Novel Treatments / Never Anything
Version 1
5 Reviews   1 Comment
Chapter 1 Red, blue, red, blue, red, blue fog. One light wrapping around the other in slow motion. I hear some people I don’t know saying something about me being awake, but I’m too tired to care. My head, I must have hit it on something. Throb throb throb. Everything at the same pace pounding into my consciousness. I liked it better when the world was falling away around me. Coming back is always a bitch. Suppose I should tell them that I am all right. They always overreact, if only they kne...
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Short Story / Zero 2
Version 1
1 Review   1 Comment
Violet wakes up with tears standing in her eyes. She doesn’t recognize her surroundings immediately. Instead she feels as if she woke up in someplace different where she had fallen asleep. With immense sadness resting heavily on her, she makes her way to the bathroom and looks at herself in the mirror. Her face is tear stained, eyes red, blond hair stuck to her face. A vague memory of a dream – a copy of a copy. She washes off her face and runs her fingers through her hair. Feeling more lik...
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Short Story / Zero
Version 1
5 Reviews   6 Comments
A young woman is sitting in a dark room.  She stares at her pale arm and watches as thin lines of blood race in circles.  Blood is falling down, running thick rivers along the sides and meeting at the bottom of her arm before they fall.  She moves her gaze to the pool collecting on the floor and meditates on how the blood looks dead.  It is all too dark and thick to have been alive a short time ago.  She wonders if this is what it looks like in her veins, dead blood b...
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Journalism / Apathy Overdrive
Version 1
22 Reviews   9 Comments
In the quest to become a “real” writer, I have done everything wrong. This assumption stems from the observation that, while I am a good writer, I cannot seem to get published. The story comes first - selling it is more of an afterthought. What I’ve found with this method is that stories not meant to be sold don’t sell. Brilliant, I know. I have a moderately successful blog, Dissonance, with a small, loyal readership. I am starting my own webzine, Dissonance, Ink. This is my tiny rebellion a...
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Reviews
Poetry / Undercover Hippo
Overall, a really great poem. The only things I would suggest are more punctuation and and rhythm. It could be a personal preference, but poetry that sounds better read aloud is a sign of true technical mastery to me (iambic pentameter is the most natural rhythm in English). I really did love it, though.
Not a fan of pronouns or linking verbs, I take it. Overall, I like it. The only thing I would say it if you're going to relinquish parts of the language, try to make the subject and the action understandable. In this, they don't really connect. The "it" couldn't figure it out, or is the thing being figured out the it? I would guess the latter, but it's hard to say. A little less vague and this could be really good.
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Writers Block
I love this! You capture the flow of thoughts perfectly. The end - it's brilliant. Who hasn't been tempted by those "publish your own work - get paid to blog" ads. Like diet pills but worse. You seamlessly flow between stream of consciousness to satire to literary fiction. I can't wait to read more of your work.
First off, some minor technical issues. In the fourth paragraph, "oven’s when the gas was on" should simply be "oven". In paragraph 16, "and the ones shows like Jerry Springer thrive upon," sounds a bit awkward. Five paragraphs from the bottom, "But that is not to say that emotional people never act rational, and logical people never act emotional." Rational and emotional should be be adverbs in the instance (i.e. ad -ly). Your use of extended parenthetical explanations often detracts from th...
First off - I love this. I love the honesty in it and the emotions it reveals. So many people are so afraid of that part of themselves (we all have it somewhere) they refuse to acknowledge it, much less write about it. So Bravo! for that. Good use of punctuation - often forgotten in poetry. While I think it'd be interesting to read the email inspiring this explosion of self disclosure, it's not necessary. The poem easily stands on its own. That, in an of itself, makes it great.
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