-Good second sentence. I want to keep reading. However I feel that the first sentence is a little to vague. First sentences are those things that hook a reader. When I read it I almost skipped those five words because I had no idea what they meant. Although, yes, the second and third sentences clarify, I feel that maybe the second can somehow become the first. Know what I mean? -It makes sense what happens. I think. I have a bright and colorful picture in my head. -You say "At first he sees i...