deadchalk's profile
AGE:
25
LOC: Angola
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 07
LOC: Angola
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 07
I’m debating whether or not to put my name on this. Leaning towards not.
My interests are as follows: strange fiction, unusual styles, offbeat subject matter, randomness, etc. Actually, I find a lot of things interesting, so it’s kind of pointless trying to list them. As if people read those lists.
I also really enjoy reviewing.
I am a native of Yonkers, NY. Yonkers was a dutch settlement just above New Amsterdam. At the time of writing this, I am 22 years old. I have two brothers and one sister. I own and, depending who you talk to, obsess over hermit crabs. I like clowns. My favorite artist is Salvador Dali. My favorite band is System of a Down.
I strongly dislike those little slaps that mobsters in gangster m…
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Items
Version 1
16 Reviews
5 Comments
The Urbis Review Helper© Designed by deadchalk to facilitate helpful reviews. How does it work? Keep this Urbis Review Helper open in a separate window while you do your reviewing. After reading a text, merely provide the ANSWERS ONLY, numbered 1-10, in your review. *___Note: if you decide to use this form as a guide, please let the author know by copying the following line into the review: reviewed using deadchalk's Urbis Review Helper© 1) What is your initial impression of this work? Right...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
12 Reviews
4 Comments
Even Steven by deadchalk He never had two of anything. Thus his name, Even Steven. Like that tuna sandwich He split with me. He never was the only one eatin’. We all die in life. Take it or leave it. Without reason, no matter what you believe, Everyone passes on. Even Steven.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
11 Reviews
10 Comments
King of All Things Borrowed by deadchalk God’s sadistic joke: winding up these funny toys pointy legs, claws, ugly mouthparts wide black lidless eyes that never blink alive, incomplete. but wait you think what on earth do you mean? such rich treasure... life heavenly bliss... Fuck you, Son of Man you don’t know what naked is. Enter: this hungry world the predators within try to understand it’s nature’s plan Life made you insignificant born without skin. Picture being bastard little me Wh...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
29 Reviews
13 Comments
“Now I’ll be hot-damned if this old carousel ain’t lasted too long here anyways...” Al grumbled, looking it over as Miles tied his boot. “She’s as old as old grandma, and I bet when we take her down, we gonna see them gears are just as toothless too.” The scent of roasted nuts still haunted the air as the last of the patrons filed out the entrance gate. “Now we only got one or two hours of sunlight left before quittin' time, but I do believe we can get all them pretty little ponies off the o...
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Reviews
This is a good story waiting to be turned into a greater story. If you don't mind, I'd like to offer three general ideas to make it shine. 1) Since your subject rests entirely in this little old lady, I think you could do a lot by adding more color to her character. Show her to us early on. Show us what it is about her that brings the narrator to her door. How can we see her the way he does? 2) I think you might try fixing the spots where the old lady speaks. In my mind, (take this for what y...
Your ending does what it intends to do, it's a soft oompfh that hurts. I think, perhaps, the rest of it could use a little streamlining--bring it all into a little more focus, perhaps by relying more heavily on the split between stories kept and stories shared. Also, I think it would be great if you get some more mileage out of the connection between smoking cigarettes and sprinkling ash, I think there's an eerie foreshadowing there that could really heighten the impact of the final sprinklin...
Awesome poetry. Sexual imagery and artistic vision merge, and that in itself is nothing special, but it's done here in an urgent, primal tone, one feels pressed to read faster and faster without knowing why. Lots of intense verbs and concise language, and the ending stanza reminds me of sand running through an hourglass. I felt as if something bad just happened and it's too late for me to fix it. I don't need to know the inspiration for this poem or what it's about, and I still liked it. The ...
This is a fairly dark piece of work. You've got a blending of religious imagery, sex, bondage, guilt. I like how this poem lays open some aspects of sexuality which we try to avoid. The possession, sex and bodies as objects, the manipulation of others. As constructive criticism, I would suggest adhering to a stricter form. The poem is formatted in an interesting way, but other than that there doesn't seem to be much structure.
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