ITEMS (53)
dcyuelling's profile 
AGE:
31
LOC: Blakeslee, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 16
LOC: Blakeslee, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 16
I’m an open minded person. I am good at editing. I like to edit other people’s work. If the story is good, I’ll elaborate and even give the writer suggestions on how to write something better. In college I was ripped apart regarding my writing because I mixed how I would talk with how it’s supposed to be written. So hopefully I can be helpful in that department. I am terrible at poetry reviews and short stories but I do the best I can. I genuinely hate reviewing poems. Honestly I think my poems stink that’s why I’m trying out the novel writing. So have fun reading and reviewing cause I know I will. Thank You!
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Version 1
3 Reviews
8 Comments
April "Caitlín?" She opened her eyes at the sound of her name, sat straight up and saw gray smoke lingering close to the ceiling. A fire. She could smell the intoxicating fumes, overwhelming her senses and even burning her eyes. She felt the presence of people in her home and it unnerved her. She would've gone to eject them from the property but she couldn't. By the scent of household cleaners mixed with burning wood, she knew her kitchen was the source of the fire. Sounds of...
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Version 1
2 Reviews
3 Comments
Shooting up to a sitting position, gasping for air and trembling, she looked around the room. The shutters were closed and the room was dark with only the light from her clock illuminating the room. She glanced over at it. Two-forty in the afternoon. Fear, she felt fear baring down on her. Her heart was still, her blood no longer moving through her. The air was thick and heavy. She lay her hands on her lap over the comforter. It was moist, but from what? Her sweat? She felt her forehea...
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Version 1
5 Reviews
2 Comments
She tried to focus. The smoke burned her eyes and the smell overwhelmed her senses. The flames burned hot against her flesh, forming blisters. The screams, blood curdling and ear-piercing, sent chills throughout her entire body, she couldn’t help but shudder. Her arms above her head and her legs straight as an arrow were bound by chains, burning and penetrating through the skin. So tight, she had no room to wiggle. A form developed in front of her beyond the flames. Squinting her ...
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Version 1
3 Reviews
4 Comments
Lee scooped Caitlín up into his arms and quickly walked back into the room they’ve just been dining in. “What’s going on?” Alemeth asked as he trailed behind him. “I don’t know. She just passed out.” He placed her on the soft burgundy carpet. The waiter came running to them. “What can I do for you? Is there anyone I should call, Mr. Awiakta?” He asked, nervously but with haste. “I don’t know. I don’t know wha...
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Version 1
4 Reviews
8 Comments
Criostal Pálás was located four miles north of downtown Dublin. Caitlín drove through town, looking at the sights. Pubs, night clubs, restaurants and movie theaters were buzzing with life of the locals as well as the many tourists. Every parking spot on the road had been filled and people busied themselves in conversations. She pulled up in front of the restaurant where she was met by a man wearing a red suit with white bow tie. The gold tassels hung off the sleeves and h...
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Suddenly[,] my pager chirps. but even I’m not convinced by my answer, - Omit by my answer. after convinced it's a good place to stop the sentence. then restart after a period. '...but even I'm not convinced. "If...' He kissed me with[out] actually touching me? Definitely an amusing story. Romance is in the air. lol...very well done. Not overly boring. I'm not into romance myself, but this was nice to read.
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
Of course, I got this out of order. He grabbed a black cap from the near the pillows, slipping it on backwards - an added word here. I would think it was 'the near' Okay at first I thought I wasn't reading it right. I had to read the last two pages to make I was. So Julius is a werewolf and he's ditching his human lover. That's not nice, but I totally get it. You have an interesting story, as always, you've got me wanting to read more. I didn't spot too many errors so there's nothing to reall...
The home was just a stuffy, roach infested, probably a former crack or whorehouse to live in. - A little confusing. Feel like it's not completed or a word or two is missing. Try rephrasing. I know what you want to say, but it still doesn't run smooth. Axel’s actually mother was accidentally shot during a robbery - Omit 'actually' say 'biological' - 'Axel's biological mother was accidentally shot during a robbery.' Gollum, [']my precious['] - Lord of the Rings huh? nice touch yah.” - omit the ...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
“Senator, I and the President want you...' - Revise 'I and the President' proper english is 'the President and I want you...' Learned that in college. I made the mistake many times. 'That’ll give the President and me sometime...' - Again...'the President and I' '...that as a [']no[']. A [']no['] will cause you your seat.' '...on [a] pair of black knee high boots.' 'Out [of] the [corner] of her eye...' Human[-]Werewolf relationships That's totally messed up. Tom just completely turned on her. ...
First of all, don't give anything up. There's always ways to improve a story. Take it from someone who knows. I haven't worked on my book nearly as long as you and my story has been ripped up one side down the other from many people here, but don't let it discourage you. I know I try not to. Anyways, here's what I have. In the first paragraph with the Orange haired man. You really shouldn't start out that way. Instead of say 'The orange hair man,' Just say "he said as he sat down in the confe...
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