It doesn't happen often, but every once in a while someone will recognize me as DC Scanner, and usually take it upon themselves to try and make me laugh. A One-Line Stand "So, is that a swollen stick of pepperoni in your pocket, or are you simply pleased to see me?" the comely woman named Monica jibed as she unlocked the door to her apartment. "Pretty funny," I remarked laconically as we were entering her living room. I turned to her and said, "Darlin', I got something I want get straight bet...

A Tense Night In Tucson The year was about 1983, and I was on the outskirts of Tucson, Arizona, a town with unforgiving heat and sun, yet is strangely hypnotic at night. It was very tranquil to look up at the sky at night and see literally millions of bright stars, along with an occasional meteorite. Actually, I was just sitting around my house with my cousin Duane, who I lived with at the time. He was a body and fender mechanic for a number a years. The telephone rang, and it was from an "a...

"Call me anything you'd like, but please don't call me... *collect*!"

*A Tense Night In Tucson* The year was about 1983, and I was on the outskirts of Tucson, Arizona, a town with unforgiving heat and sun, yet is strangely hypnotic at night. It was very tranquil to look up at the sky at night and see literally millions of bright stars, along with an occasional meteorite. Actually, I was just sitting around my house with my cousin Duane, who I lived with at the time. He was a body and fender mechanic for a number a years. The telephone rang, and it was from an ...

"When push comes to shove... *whip out a gun.*"

*"They were fighting like Arabs and Jews."*

"*He who laughs last thinks slowest.*"

"That's you, babe, Do you like it? I know I do," I told her and smiled, and saw her blush slightly. "And don't mention it. I'm really quite surprised I am the first to taste you. I really am. In fact, I'm honored. I can tell you honestly that I've wanted to taste your pu...," I started to say, then corrected myself, "I mean, umm... taste your 'kitty', yeah, that's what I'll call it, from about the first day I met you," I informed her with more than a fair amount of honesty, and kissed her sof...

Rendezvous It started out as a typical Saturday, with not much going on except a couple of phone calls that weren't of any consequence. Lounging on my sofa, listening to some music, and reading Catch-22 seemed like a proper way to allot my time. Steely Dan was wafting through the speakers when there was a soft tapping at my door. I sure as hell hoped it wasn't some damn Jehovah's Witness trying to sell me Jesus. Christ isn't for sale, as far as I know, and a theological discussion with some ...

Drivin' Ms. Daisy Welcome, my fellow Internet travelers. We have moved. Nice digs, eh? Now that we've made the move, we most likely won't be as restricted as we were at the public site. For example, when using that oh-so-reprehensible word "f*ck", we won't have to use the asterisk anymore. We can simply say "fuck"(not that we will use it that often, mind you, because they say that vulgarity is the first indication of a limited vocabulary... not that I agree, and that's a different column ent...