I thought the piece raised some interesting questions. I think you need to address many of the assumptions you make regarding the existence of either good evil. Why couldn't man have created god because he was lonely? I think I started to lose the argument during the middle of the piece. I started to space-out during the dates passage. Personally as a reader I am not very interested in these metaphysical questions, as I do not think we're far enough along in our pre-history to create the corr...

I liked this very realistic portrayal of the Christmas holiday season. It seems that the holidays are spent with many people we try to keep at bay the rest of the year. I also liked the bit about John Lennon at the beginning. Many's the time I've seen some idea I had used by someone else and felt ripped-off in some way. Maybe it just means we're all of the same mind.

I haven't read the earlier chapters, and I know nothing of this story historically, so I'll stick specifically to the writing in this chapter. I didn't find anything that really grabbed me about the piece. The descriptions of the events are kind of banal, the dialogue lacks punch. I think I should know why I should care about this particular story and want to read on. I seems a bit cliche. Maybe more developed dialogue would help.

I didn't know that you were talking to a baby until about the second stanza. It was a nice transition to the discovery. I think this is a very nice, gentle poem. I think your a good writer.

Did you deliberately misspell ignite? I think the poem is lewd, not in a positive way: "Gyration of your hips"-come on! The hodge-podge of imagery in the final stanza reads like a joke. Throwing in any old image does not make a poem. You have to own the imagery first. ". . .You got to go with what you know."-Public Enemy Maybe the author would have better luck with relationships if he stopped treating people like obejects and instead like actual humans.

I am hesitant to say that it's in the wrong category, but the piece seems like a collection of vignettes. I don't think that poetry can be narrowly defined. It's kind of like trying to define "art". In most cases criticism is subjective. That being said the piece seems to lack a certain cohesion. The people seem more like caricatures than real characters despite the realistic tone of the piece. The writing is descriptive, but it comes off as formulaic. It seems like the writer is just passing...

The best I can say about the piece is it's a nice sentiment like, "Why can't we all get along?". How I actually feel about the poem is quite different. It's kind of banal. It's a bit like the sayings you see hanging in frames in people's kitchens. They may be witty or clever, but they are never more than that. Rhyming poetry is also a "slippery slope" if you want to be taken seriously. My advice would be, if you are really passionate about the subject, rewrite it with some feeling. It's an im...

I really liked this one. It enables the reader to really visualize a scene even if it's a projection of her own experience. I like the awkwardness of the interaction and the expression of not being sure about the person in some way. One thing I noticed is that the first paragraph seems a bit disconnected from the rest of the piece. The transition to the rest is kind of jarring. Another thing I noticed is there seemed to be a few "50 cent" words thrown in for spice that didn't quite dissolve i...

I liked the story overall. You said it was based on your friend's dream, but it definitely reads like a series of cohesive vignettes. I could picture it being a graphic novel or some kind or "Sin City" type film; a lot of good imagery throughout. I found it's wordiness somewhat distracting in the beginning and somewhat at odds with what seems to be the main character, but as you say it's from a dream. . . . I am interested in reading more of your stuff. Good work!