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AGE:
26
LOC: San Diego, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 12
LOC: San Diego, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 12
http://cwb4299.tripod.com/index2.html
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Version 1
4 Reviews
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Mom, I recently found myself helping out in the guesthouse kitchen downstairs, and it occurred to me that I never thanked you properly for all the hard work you put into the delicious meals Dad, my sisters and I got to eat throughout my childhood. I remember hearing you once took a cooking class? I didn't appreciate it much at the time because I didn't know anything else, but looking back I can see the skill and care that went into everything we ate. I can remember crunchy chicken parmesans, ...
Version 2
6 Reviews
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Chapter One - The Demon's Lament My name is Deimos, and in the countryside of the Kingdom of Vella I am known as ‘The Scourge’, ‘The King of Locusts’, ‘The Black Reaper’, and dozens of other such names - each one coined by some enterprising young bard looking to make a name for himself by spinning a new persona around an old and generally accepted fact of life. I would like to say I am feared and hated in this land of Vella, but sadly that is only true for some generations of its citizens and...
Version 2
8 Reviews
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Coming on 80 years ago, when a bout of wanderlust had me prowling through the swamps of the south looking for a way to somehow disrupt the already meager production of rice in the land, I chanced upon another demon nesting in the depths of a bog. His name was Aerlish of the Rot, and when he caught sight of me in his hunting grounds he roared with such force it tore the bark from the trees. He sank into the water several meters distant and before I knew it he was at my ankles trying to drag me...
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Coming on 80 years ago, when a bout of wanderlust had me prowling through the swamps of the south looking for a way to somehow disrupt the already meager production of rice in the land, I chanced upon another demon nesting in the depths of a bog. His name was Aerlish of the Rot, and when he caught sight of me in his hunting grounds he roared with such force it tore the bark from the trees. He sank into the water several meters distant and before I knew it he was at my ankles trying to drag me...
Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
My name is Deimos and in the countryside of the Kingdom of Vella I am also known as 'The Scourge', 'The King of Locusts', 'The Black Reaper', and dozens of other such names - each one coined by some enterprising young bard looking to make a name for himself by giving a fresh title to an old and generally accepted fact of life. I would like to say I am feared and hated in this land of Vella, but sadly that is only true for some generations of its citizens and not for others. Humans, when wound...
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Reviews
For the run of this story I was having a very hard time sorting out what was going on. It didn't make much sense at all. You assume the man who is drawing the hard line has got an edge up on the other guy. But here the one doing the tough talking was the 'dog', and the one drawing the hard line had a knife versus a gun. At the very end it started to make more sense, and going back I get it more. It's not fatal to be so ambiguous in a story this short, but is there any reason for it? The first...
This starts with the feel of something we've all read before, a gritty sort of smashed-dreams story that has rewritten itself again and again as long as there have been Hollywoods with their glitter. You certainly already know that it's publishable and ready. The character fits, the setting fits, the backstory is plausible and you nailed the narration. It does feel cliche, but everything that's written today has been written before sometime. The story doesn't go anywhere or accomplish much, b...
It's amusing that you introduced Safeway for people who might not know the reference, but left out explanations of the clubs, Lortabs, and Vicoden. I think I could surmise that she was going to a store to buy something, but I couldn't even guess the effects of drugs on a system, especially when combined. "Rayne could've let it go at that, she should've." -- The comma there doesn't work. A semicolon, a new sentence. A rewording. The last word of that paragraph, "Rayne", should also have been "...
This did drawn out the suspense for the entire chapter. Whether this makes it difficult on the reader depends on the chapters on each side -- this was short enough that it wasn't too much a burden. If there were foreshadowing visions involved earlier in the story, the climactic nature of this chapter makes it actually appropriate. The bloodhawks definitely appear as characters in this tale. The beginning point of the suspense of this chapter is having the bloodhawk diving at Faux and strainin...
This narrative is pretty strong as an independant read. It comes together well. I don't know for what purpose you wrote it, but it's on Urbis so I'll give what review I can of style and content. "Uncle Paul’s dad" is perhaps "dad's Uncle Paul"? Or "Uncle Paul"? Whomever it was, if you had reason to previously suspect their health would fail, jumping to the conclusion they would 'get hurt' seems unjustified. Saying that you thought they were sick or in the hospital is enough. You failed to men...
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