cursorblock's profile

cursorblock avatar
AGE: 38
LOC: Largo, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 17

I am interested in honest, constructive analysis of my short story writing as well as in reading the work of others.

My first book is now available at http://stores.lulu.com/joesargent

It’s a pulp action piece in the tradition of ‘Leon – The Professional’.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Flash Fiction / Running
Version 1
12 Reviews   16 Comments
Amanda glided in and out of the early morning mist as if she were hovering off the ground. Her tempo, fast by most standards, was casual for her. Her jogging shoes made almost no sound as they floated over the wooded trail, while her visible breath shot forth in rhythmic intervals, coinciding with her footfalls. Twenty-eight and extremely fit, Amanda relished in keeping herself in shape. She wore an off-white thermal jogging suit that covered her whole body. The hood was up, hiding her should...
Ratings & Rankings
 Plus-button Clarity
Short Story / Hero
Version 1
3 Reviews   1 Comment
“I’m sorry. I’m just a little nervous.” “There’s nothing to be nervous about, Mr. Mills.” “It’s just, I’ve never been on T.V. before.” Jeremy Mills squirmed in the simple cushioned chair. The bright hot lights hitting him from above and behind the studio cameras left him a little blind and disoriented. He had been briefed to not look at them, to just ignore everything but the reporter sitting across from him but the lights had an intrusive, hypnotic effect. He felt the beads of sweat seeping ...
Ratings & Rankings
Novel Treatments / Consciousness
Version 1
13 Reviews   15 Comments
Central Intelligence Agency – Quantico, Virginia Present Day The activity room in building two, Beta Dorm, was filled to capacity. All of the graduating class was inside along with family and friends enjoying each other’s company and the simple refreshments that the kitchen had brought up twenty minutes earlier. Allison Williams stood in the corner facing one of the windows that overlooked the courtyard. She glanced to the building on the other side of the square and watched an identical scen...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Pictures in the Sky
Version 1
13 Reviews   11 Comments
Gary stopped in front of the glass doors as they slid away exposing him to the outside world. A feeling of dread swept over him and he looked over at Dr. Jenkins for reassurance. “It’s okay Gary. There’s nothing to be afraid of.” Jenkins, well into his fifties, smiled at Gary beneath his tortoise shell glasses as he had countless times during their sessions over the years. His comforting voice had a calming effect. He brought a hand up to push the thin, circular spectacles up from their resti...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Kiakara
Version 1
15 Reviews   12 Comments
Mukasa was having the dream again. This time he knew it was a dream because his wife and sister stood next to him on the dock and he had both his legs. His sister’s young son and daughter took turns running off the end of the wooden structure and splashing into Lake Kivu. An early morning haze clung to the water’s surface scattering in all directions as the children jumped. Kaikara was a mature ten. He had his mother’s kindness but also her stubborn streak. His six year old sister Dembe was t...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Horror / Man of Mirrors
It's been a while since I've read something this unique. I really like your style and this unfolds for us in a great way as we learn where he is along with him. The imagery is terrific, although for some reason I thought it was at night until I got to the part about the sun beating down. Not sure why I thought that. The voices near the end became slightly confusing only because I wasn't sure who was talking. You do help by italicising the voices from his own. There are just a couple of places...
Flash Fiction / Gavin
Locked
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Path to Immortality: Prologue
I like the ideas in this. It's clear that you've put a lot of thought into this and incorporating such rich doses of mythology lend to making this interesting. That being said, this is very hard to read. I know you mention that you are learning grammar and I commend you for that. You are tackling it well but there are things that still need work (I am always learning something myself). There are numerous tense changes and spelling errors. If you focus on this I see the readability and enjoyme...
Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / THE Darkness WIthin Chapter 1
I like the ideas in this. It kind of reminds me of Dexter. The notion that it takes someone with some sort of 'history' to catch others like himself. He's a kind of anti-hero that you want to simultaneously route for and dispise. You asked for clarity. I like what you did by introducing this with the dream / flashback. For clarity sake, I wonder if you couldn't just remove the whole side portion related to Mrs. Wilson? It kind of sidetracks things and drops us out of the intensity. I don't th...
Flash Fiction / Two Idiots
Well, I think it is an apt title. Are these two related? They really hold no punches. Aside from that, I'm not sure why the one is pointing all this out to the other one. Is he envious or disgusted and feels he needs to tell what's on his mind? This really is a harsh conversation. Are you going for entertaining the reader by showing how dumb these two are? Are you trying to tell a moral? I wonder if a little light berevety(sp?) mixed in here and there could get the same points across without ...