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crypticBeauty's profile
AGE:
33
LAST LOGIN: January 17
LAST LOGIN: January 17
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i've been attending church as of late. the new wom'n in my life is, shockingly, christian. before the first time we went, i obtained her guarantee that i would not be struck by lightening. it's funnier when you know that i'm a witch by bloodlines, although i don't practice the craft. also, i happen to be a baptized (in red wine, of course, taken orally, of course), confirmed heathen. her people have burned mine, yet here we are attending her church together. it helps that her church is extrem...
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you have quite an imagination. very skillful at creating your world. technical skills are excellent. your descriptive talent places the reader into the darkness of this land. your goriness level is tasteful, and actually matters to the story. not gratuitious, in other words. having said all that, this kind of story is not my cup of tea so i'm not the most qualified of your possible critics here..
did you mean for this story to show hypocrisy? because you did the same thing to the new neighbors that trudy's husband did to you? i can't tell if that's on purpose or not. it's a bit confusing. ok, the technical stuff: "ancient, old" is redundant. "kitchen window did she truly" would work better if you kept the whole sentence in the same (present) tense. the story might work better if you explained why you and trudy reminded you of fred and winnie from wonder years.
evocative. makes the reader feel intense sympathy for dylan. you do a wonderful job expressing the complex sadness a child would endure at the loss of a parent. the only technical error i spotted was the misspelling of nourishment at the end, which i'm sure is just a typo.
interesting piece. leaves me craving more details. i enjoy your descriptions of angel girl as a child. great sense of humor, written with restraint and wit. extremely enjoyable.
totally amazing. i can't believe i'm enjoying caveman fiction. which is usually beyond trite. i've never read anything like this, you have found a truly unique voice. 10, and i'm stingy with those.
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