Hi! What a good piece!!- You captured my attention and arrested my desire of sunshine and music and space, and freedom!- keeping me locked in a form of hell you relay. It gives me flash back shivers. Suggestions: The food trays, romancing Burger King, the food is so skimpy, bad, and scarce, but so highly anticipated, all that keeps some people going. The dirt. You cover a lot of the inner workings of the jail system, I am no expert, it is such dark period, details stir my fears, remembering m...

Hi! Good piece! Hard to offer suggestions for poems, but my feeling is one of reaching out for a chip, getting a little closer, tip toeing closer, but then I pull back empty handed. Reward the reader. Word play destroys the last image without cementing the first. Feed me!! Good vocabulary, new words for me to look up. Keep at it! You have talent! Thanks for the good read! -cm

Hi! I really enjoy reading this piece. It is aggressively charming and pounds interrupting the moment most don't take the time to be present for. My favorite line is "we worshipped the monster, we’re taking tomorrow…". It, the word play, rings true and feels good together. However the line, "they use us as tools of mass destruction." is a little too overused for my taste, like you bent the words to fit a rhyme. I could see this as a moderately heavy rock song. I do not know where you should g...

Hi! I enjoyed reading this work. I feel you are right on the edge of your craft and if you cross over and jump in competely embracing your creative dormant gift, an awakening, you could be a great word smith. I have suggestions, please take what works and leave the rest. The first thing I noticed, your opening, was the over usage of 'him', 'his', and 'he'. This leads to major, but easily corrected once noticed, road blocks that are scattered throughout your work. You are doing a great job 'te...

Hi! I really enjoyed this work. As far as matters of the heart go, the webs spun from strings strung deep in the soul, the pull between friendships and lovers, gravity and space, something that once tasted, things never will be the same again. Your poem made me remember my own drama in love when younger, when I was driven by my passions. It is a great, well felt, poem. The only snag I saw was the line, "But stories all tend to end and it wasnt long before you pulled my friend" I believe I kno...

Hi! I enjoyed your poem. It is very moving and based in love. Having lost a Father I know what it is like to live with such a loss in your heart, only memories to think back to and the things you wish you would have said. I think you are very couragious to share your pain, to make your heart vulnerable. If it is any comfort what helps me is the more family and loved ones who pass away, the friendlier heaven becomes. Thanks for your poem! -cm

Hi! I enjoyed your poem. I read it a couple of times and you have a gift of conjuring up strong imagery. I would consider it a poem to forever ponder as I draw different meaning from it each time I read it. At first I took it as possibly thoughts from God, but I now think it is more about man and our fragile nature. It is a bit obscure, a few lines unclear. "An amalgam of angles and arches" may raise red flags. (I do not know what amalgam means and doubt general public does as well, but its g...

Hi! I enjoyed reading your work. I have some suggestions, please take what you want and leave the rest. I found the current in the word stream flow to- engage in a good pace allowing for easy reading. It kept my interest and was well written, you show your skill, I look forward to seeing your future endeavors. The topic is one of those age old questions of man, a thought is to meditate on possible plot pondering and come up with something more original. I think an original plot will be more r...

Hi! How Beautiful! Nothing can compare to beauty of the heart, God's living art. And as all is poetry, how can I judge yours? Lines I really enjoy and stick out are, "where lavender breezes carry ghost trains east." and "She’s as changeable as blue clouds in June". Would it be in better context to have "Beneath grey monastery walls that call out the dead" for her to add a splash of color by her hands painting deep wells, or "She desires only to escape her mundane existence" when I can offer a...

Hi! I enjoyed your work! It is written from the heart and pulls at the tide of your emotions. Such pieces can not really be critiqued as they are a release of pain, the steps for an end of suffering, it begins by getting it out and that is so raw and beautiful you can't judge it. A suggestion I have is to break it down into smaller doses. It is quite intense and at least each chapter needs to be broken down and critiqued to stand on its own. I think you have great talent, a little rough aroun...