cooljim102055's profile

hi, well it seems like it would make a very good rap song...alot of crisp catchy lines to go along with all those great rhymes....but it looks like you got tired at the end or 2nd half of the song..it should be constant throughout..make the 2nd half of the song as strong as the first half..in rhyming and cleverness..(sometimes we get in a rush to get it done and finish our work a little on the weak side...:)...but it's a diamond in the rough for sure..i luv the line..her smile..will kill you ...

hi there, i like it..and the play with words throughout..traps..and craps..(roll the dice of life) and a good rhyme also..as well as irony and tyranny,,and i think alot of people can relate to this which also makes it good..it's short and sweet which makes it radio friendly as well...(like a song should be..not 7 mintues long)...well done..keep on writing..would like to read some more...lata..jim

hi there, very entertaining and amusing..i luv the title...seems a bit tough to put music to but anything is possible..(because the meter seems so different throughout)..i do like the lodon/thunder ryhme but it also needs more consistent rhymes throughout to make it more memorable and catchy,,,not to mention easier to sing...which is also why big words like you used in the first lines and a few throughout are also hard to sing to in a conventional song pattern,,,ok, i yapped enough...a little...

hi there, and i agree with you totally..i might changed the word "piss"..to "upset" or "rufle a few feathers" or something along that line...but in general..good one...:)..lata, jim