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cmbriggs3's profile
AGE:
31
LOC: Silverdale, WA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 24
LOC: Silverdale, WA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 24
I am a 27-year-old creative type person who enjoys poetry and novels. I write basically only poetry. I want to become a better writer, as well as find out what other people think about my work. I thought I would also add that I have had experience with writing and have had some articles published. I am no expert, however I have some foundation for my thoughts. I am a senior at the University of Central Florida, my major is Psychology and my favorite color is blue ;0
Also, I do not write reviews to grind an ax or just to be mean and nasty. If you want a review and I give one that is less then flattering deal with it, please do not think my review for one poem is a review of you as a poet. I only intend to be helpful.
I will give you …
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Blithely, I wonder down the path of adulthood Shaded in melancholy of things undone Things put aside for one reason or another Regrets of things left unsaid or of things Said slightly too loud I dreamed of a castle in the clouds And much to my disappointment I have realized that there is no such thing No castle and the clouds are simply Shifting objects in my mind
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Wearing a nametag is Just depressing Wearing a name tag with only your first name Is killer- Having to walk around And alphabetize books by the hundreds Picking up after ten or twenty Lazy, often thoughtless customers Is simply priceless- Working at a big box store Selling books Has turned my passion For books into A passion for bitter Forays into why I will forever Hate the thought Of wearing a name tag With my first name On it
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Broken into, crashed into you Fingers trembling, Leading you down a… a… a path Somewhere that we have never been together Broken off into space and time… time… time Burst into a three headed spade Heavy black soil underneath my nails Searching …searching for something to hold onto Not just random atoms but something firm Like the universe inversed into a string of pearls Spilled across the black matter of life Like sand falling from my fingers Glittering in the sun And all I can hear are the ...
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I've stolen your truths with a snap of my fingers, I've broken into your soul with borrowed time Being is more than nothing Sitting on the edge Peering over and seeing nothing There is simply the hum of drums Simply a hum of a beat lost A long time ago Time… time… time Ago And there I am sitting With you smile A silver ball I bounce until It slips and falls into the hum of the drums
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It is raining outside The leaves on the trees are green as ever Forever green And I am roiling, raging, running Though I sit in silence My soul is gaining in on my body And I know something is happening I am feeling it in my blood To the tips of my fingers And the other Dimension Is breaking Ripping fueled by My emotion Fueled by my questions By my raw belief That I can change I can change the world With simply A trick of the mind Reality is nearly Nothing Reality is nearly over Faded into a...
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I think the idea so far is fine however it is a bit bland. The dialogue is a bit much I would like to see more description in the last two chapters. Fill out the characters a little more and show more then tell in the dialogue.
I would first edit this poem to have a better sound and feel. The purest of all measurement A heartbeat, A pulse Slow, droning, monotonis entity A gun is raised The air is fouled with fear, screams and panic Hearts race ,Pulses increase Sound is now created through time A finger pulls the trigger Things begin to calm in the undertainty of the situation Halfway alive, halfway dead A to be cadaver is marked Gravity eggs on the dropping of metal A firing hammer is lowered Purity returns soon aft...
Is sickening a word and can you use it in the context of what you are trying to say? Does it have to be one line, maybe break it up for impact. Good Luck.
First, try to keep your descriptions specific and consistent. If water is slicing then it doesn't lick. Second, either make the poem lines long or short. Such as the following: Cold water slices Over my skin Licking my creases It’s smooth Caustic throat Boiling with stringency... Third, what is stringency? The word seems awkward in the poem and ill fit. Last, the very last line does not fit in with the rest of the poem and it is cliché at best. Try something more along the lines of the rest o...
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