cleverunderpressure's profile

cleverunderpressure avatar
AGE: 18
LOC: Cooperstown, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 09

I really don’t enjoy using adjectives and extracurriculars to describe myself because of… how typical it is. Its typicality. I do enjoy inventing words, puns, horseback riding with my mom, writing, running, frisbee, reading classic literature, abstract expressionism, art housey movies, reading minds, my sisters, bouncing around, laughing, bagels with lox, fresh air, open doors, rearranging furniture, and gardening.

I do not enjoy writing about me’s.

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Music is the victor, I the victim, It throbs within my heart like tribal drums, Routs my will and razes me gradatim, And causes, wreaks such pandemonium. Why so silken-tongued, oh fairest damsel? The world is echoing with clam’rous din, I cannot hear the sounds of nature knell, You captivate, prevent my list’ning in. But when I stumble music seizes me, And leads me o’er the ragged rumbly road, Despite its prior actions, though obscene, Its haunting lullaby relieves my load. The thought of mus...
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The front door of the house slammed shut, leaving the knocker beating gently against the outside. Shoes clicked furiously across the foyer and Maxmilian could hear the rustling of skirts. He peered over the banister on the staircase. His wife was in the process of taking the pins out of her hat and unbuttoning her coat. Flakes of snow still lingered in her luxurious dark hair, wrapped in a chignon at the base of her neck. As she turned on her heel to hang up her outerwear, he could see the fe...
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I’ll forget a lot of things before I forget that night. No one died. No one abandoned me. I didn’t fall in or out of love. No one I knew was even there. And that one event, those few precious minutes that flashed by, did not concern me. I twisted my head to watch it pass. I watched it without permission, without invitation. Those seconds, ticking by, changed my life permanently. The world is bleak. Its state is grim. Its future is unwritten. Humans prove, every day, they are capable of the m...
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Version 1
9 Reviews   4 Comments
There you sit, innocently awaiting yet another Ruggles essay. Just look at your shining, eager faces and your patient smiles! So young, so naïve, so pure! Little do you know you are surrounded by something… unnatural. They lurk in this very room and they are taking over. Who are they, you ask? Nerds. Nerds, freaks, geeks, dorks, techies – they are everywhere, standing out in the crowd of lemmings like neon signs. A good teenage movie is not a good teenage movie without a high-quality nerd. Fo...
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Short Story / Robert and Delilah
Removed
I love love love the personification. All of your verbs are active, too, giving the peace its own rhythm and meter despite being on the free form side, which, for some people, is difficult to do. I like your repetition of -ing verbs in the following lines: "Tossing about in anger/Cursing the heavens for confining it so/Mocking the current it follows." That particular part flows really nicely, both on paper and off the tongue. You did, however, switch tenses around in a mildly confusing manner...
I enjoy the enjambment on two of the lines (no/matter and that/I). I also like its lyrical quality. Obviously there isn't too much I can comment, seeing as it's 28 words long, but those two things I do like. See if you can expand, possibly writing more verses in the same styles - I would love to see what you can do with that.
I really didn't enjoy the first page, when Walter's in the office. There was very little explanation, rhyme, or reason (and when I say rhyme I don't mean literally). Add more of Walter's thoughts to make it more interesting, or a little bit more about Walter himself. The dialogue is a little poor. It's not interesting. I also wasn't frightened once the gang appeared, because your choice of language gave it away. Make the gang scarier. Describe them. Make the setting scarier. Describe it. Make...
I. Loved. This. This is really right up my alley, this kind of fiction. It moves well, after a few sticky spots in the first two or three paragraphs - there it felt you were trying to force some words in there that you thought would look good, or sound good, some little above-average words - but sometimes the average words work just fine. After those few paragraphs you balanced the two very well - average words and a little vocabulary. You also mixed up your verbs a lot, as in, you used a wid...
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