This is unconventional and wonderful. I don't specifically love the "under/the sun" enjambment of lines 1 and 2, but if it's your intent to be strict on 5-7-5 structure, then it has to be. Nice shift between 1 and 2.

This is breathtaking. The connection between humanity and nature is subtle, the turn is lovely. Good work here. Seriously. I'm adding this to my favorites. I like that this short piece poses a question, gives a reader something to chew on, both philosophically and visually. Like, what's in the bottle? Who left it there? What's that got to do with Buddhism? Etc. Good job.

stanza 2 - I'd suggest not ending lines with "into" or prepositions, etc. It's better to let the reader think there was a complete thought and then that thought continues without the dangling. For example, "to dissolve/ into some music." I think that the first two stanzas don't aesthetically fit in with 3 and 4, maybe you could combine some of the lines in the first 2 or split up some in the 2nd two, to provide more symmetry. Those are really the only constructive comments I have. There's muc...

par. 1 - "mother spoke" - no end punctuation. "I gave a heavy sigh and opened the package in a brown paper bag, in which was my Tuxedo that I was to wear for the dance later tonight." I really think this sentence is clunky. It also seems to take place inside the brown paper bag, which I know is not your intention. I'd change it - "I sighed heavily and opened the package. Inside was the tuxedo I was supposed to wear to the dance later that night." - It really shouldn't be "tonight" because of ...

This piece is well-crafted. I enjoyed reading it entirely. The only thing that I suggest might make it stronger is to change it so that the speaker isn't talking at the audience - for example, instead of "like it was to lose you," it would be "like it was to lose him." I think that might make it seem more specific, even though it's saying the same thing, because you get rid of that breaking-the-fourth-wall problem. Good job. I think this piece is daring and brave - talk of "soft belly" and "h...

This is well-written and thoughtful, but I think there's a little too much exposition and not enough action. The dialogue you do include is written in dialect, but it's not consistent the whole way through the text. Just something to think about. The first sentence bugs me a little. It's almost like it's only there so you can tell us his name right away. It's stronger starting with the second sentence, so I'd just cut the first one entirely. There are some typos and missing apostrophes, etc. ...

The meter in this piece starts out fine, but the rhythm starts getting wonky by the end of stanza 1. The last two lines, specifically, throw it all out of meter. There is also the problem of rhyme - the rhyme (except for "wreaths-grief") is very elementary. Love=Above and Near=Ear are so obvious that I don't know why you chose to do it. Much of the piece feels arbitrary, as if you've only chosen to say the things you're saying because the rhyming forced you. I like the sentiment, but the exec...

You should really work on your enjambments, line breaks, and aesthetic values here. There are some really superficial things here that make your poem seem out of sync (that really crazy-awkward long long line there 2/3 of the way down the page, for instance). There are also archaic language problems that cut way down on accessibility for no reason whatsoever. (Who says "thee"anymore?) Clean up instances of redundancy - "I don't know" and "not since" are two examples from the first 5 lines. Th...

I think that this is fairly successful in two of your goals - it seems that since being emo is synonymous with being trendy, you with both be understood and admired, and even possibly inspire others to write similar works. But what are we accomplishing here? By writing something that's a) predictable; b)full of cliche (even if it's emo/gothic/my-soul-is-a-dark-pit-of-darkness cliche); and c)overwritten - what do we achieve? That's the question you need to ask yourself. I have read a million o...

I feel like this belongs in a short book or collection of such quips. It's stated so dryly, but with a very clean voice. The words "go for" may not fit in with the sentiment as presented so well, but hooray anyway. More, please!