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chicklitrules's profile
AGE:
35
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 08
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 08
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Version 1
23 Reviews
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In St George’s Terrace, Primrose Hill, Ellie woke really early on the eve of her wedding, but not because she was too excited to sleep. No, her phone had rung at six forty five, causing her to jump out of bed with a start. Who on earth had the audacity to call her at this ungodly hour? She let the answer machine click in because whoever it was did not deserve a reply this early in the morning, “Hi dahling, Raph here. Just calling to let you know that the cake and flowers have been loaded onto...
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Version 1
24 Reviews
5 Comments
Chapter 1 - Mercy Mercy Tyler was in heaven. Not literally though, Matt James from Year Twelve had picked her up earlier and they were sitting in Café Rouge in Highgate village sharing a double mocha-choca-super-skinny-frappachino. Matt whispered something witty and she laughed hard, causing a blob of froth to land on the tip of her nose. He said "Hey, let me help you with that," and leaned in close, staring into her eyes as he did so. She felt the warmth of his breath on her cheek as he puck...
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Hi - I really liked this and although you asked for some honest criticism the only thing I didnt really like was the name of your female character, Jane Dane. It kinda reminded me of Jane Doe, but reading story and the understanding the part about them having changed their names maybe this is meant to be how it is. Technically icouldnt see any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes and it really is very well written. I also thought that your use of dialogue is spot on and very convincing. I ...
HI - I really liked this, it was a really good moral tale that I can imagine works only too well in a classroom scenario for your mother. You pitched it in a way that was very easily readable and i can imagine this being attractive and easy for young teenagers to read. Your use of grammar and imagination was particularly good, I really enjoyed this and it gave a great understanding to the whole Nazi class system culture. Well done!
How fabulous is this!! I was literally rolling about on the floor in stitches by the end of your sorry tale of woe. I think almost every human being on the planet must have been a victim of the same sorry embarrasing situation as your, ahem, character and I aplaud you whole heartedly for broaching what is such a squirmingly and yucky subject. By the way, describing Snakes on a Plane as engrossing and believable was a stroke of comedy genius! Well done, let me know when you have more to review!
HI - I think for a fourteen year old you write pretty well. I think being 14 helps you write about Alison convincingly too. I write youth fiction and its really difficult to write from the point of vie from someone younger so i think this really gives you the edge. I have to admit that the idea of a mystical book realy pulled me in and made me want to read more. Have you read "Shadow on the Wind" by Carlos Ruis Zafon? If not I think you should as there was something about your story that remi...
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