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chelly's profile
AGE:
37
LOC: Waynesboro, VA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 21
LOC: Waynesboro, VA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 21
Fell in love with writing when I was 10 but i let life get in the way of perfecting the craft. After all these years I am finally trying to take my writing seriously as the story possibilites keep me from sleeping.
I love reading so I love being a part of this site to read others work and have mine read and reviewed as well.
Items
Version 1
5 Reviews
4 Comments
Empty I’ve been standing still since the day you stole my heart and ran away. I wish I could have seen the places you and my heart have been. Instead of the monotony from which I can not break free since you left this dark hole unsettled in me.
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Version 3
8 Reviews
11 Comments
In a small house just outside of Halcyon, a small village in a country that was barely known, lived a beautiful girl named Harmony Divine. She had hair like midnight, deep black with shades of blue and shiny like the stars. Her long lashed eyes were milk chocolate and her cherry lips were barely without a smile. Her skin had the liking of perfectly browned bread which made the villagers joke that her existence came about in her parents bread shop. Every morning, just before the sun smiled up...
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Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
Once he got high he got very low called me names like, "old idiot n__r whore". Said he had an agent Well, I wish him all the luck 'Cause when he is famous, He will be F---ed. All the racist comments the degrading things he wrote to me will be the most famous of his writings When I show them off on the "Today Show" on NBC.
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Version 1
3 Reviews
4 Comments
Worlds beyond imagination birthed by ink.
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widen change to wide She removed her robe, standing there in just her pink bra and panties, dropping it to the creaking floor. Sounds wrong,especially with the following sentence, maybe try: She removed her robe, dropping it to the creaking floor revealing her pink bra and panties. walked passed= drop the ed There are a few more errors I spotted but I don't want to waste too many of your credits. I think you have something decent here that needs a little polishing up.
These 2 sentences are confusing: After burning some photos he took of me in the lab sink. He took out sometime to talk to me. The transition to Barley's memory of the last night he saw his doctor friend needs to be smoothed out. I didn't realize it was a memory until halfway through it. Maybe describe the look on Barley's face or the emotion in his voice as he tells his story.Also there are not alot of details concerning how the characters and surroundings look. No senses are described which ...
I like this as it is something I think alot of readers could sympathize with. Even though it is a pretty decent short story it feels like it could be the beginning of something more.
I love the second line and the image it conjures up. I think this is pretty good but at the same time it feels as if you may have more to say.
At first when you wrote about the scissors on her naked inner thigh I thought the story was leading up to a grotesquely botched abortion. What you wrote instead was confusing. I didn't understand why she was shoving scissors in her thigh. Also, this story seemed more like a poem with the repetition of "she opened her legs" and the short sentences without much detail.
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