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charm's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 12
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 12
I like tea, coffee and fantasy novels.
I’m currently taking a degree in Classics.
I don’t believe in astrology. But I’m very much an Aquarius.
Other things I don’t believe in include: religion, god, that the West is doing any sort of good in the Middle East, and that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ marriage is not some form of vertiginously elaborate fake.
“The world is changed because you are made of ivory and gold. The curves of your lips rewrite history.”
- oscar wilde, the picture of dorian gray, chapter 20
Items
Version 1
11 Reviews
8 Comments
You think I'm weak, beneath it all. You think this mask, this made-up perfection, with straightened hair and new, pretty clothes (looks good enough to die for) is - just that, a mask, a shield, armour to hide the fragile girl beneath. Sweetheart. Bless. I know your swagger, your don't-care fuck-you poses, your barbed one-liners and self-denigration: I know them like I know my own. Aren't we clever? Dating you was narcissism, we're both the same. Only, all our broken pieces (I didn't realise I...
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This is pretty well-written - you do a good job of creating a very disturbing atmosphere, and there are some great images, like the 'murderess weeds'. The first few paragraphs are however a little difficult to get through - I love writing description, but reading it can be dull if nothing actually /happens/ - and I didn't find the children's injuries as shocking as I perhaps should have: you sort of slip their fate in in the middle of a paragraph, so it doesn't stand out any more than the fac...
I like this. I'll probably have to come back to it a couple of times if I want to actually /get/ it, but I like it. :) In particular, you have some really interesting imagery - I love 'scratch the scaly surface of your still-born heart'; it really works beautifully.
It's an interesting story, and sounds like it was a fun Halloween. :) You have lots of memorable details that give a realistic feeling to the story (whether this is based on reality or not?), like the hairclips strewn over the yard afterwards... I'd just say, maybe you could pick your details a bit more selectively? The most interesting part of the story is going to be what actually happened that Halloween, not "I placed a small strobe light in one corner"; and you could do with being a bit m...
This is interesting, and the first stanza really grabbed me - presenting love as something painful and unwanted isn't unprecedented, but it's unusual enough to get the reader's attention. I'm afraid I tend to think the poem loses something after that, though? The last two lines aren't bad, but the middle stanzas don't seem to say very much at all...
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I like this, especially the third stanza - "the memory of my dead mother, already neatly arranged" is a really compelling image, and the internal rhyme of "tears" and "years" really works. There are a few parts of the poem I'm not so sure of, though... In the last stanza, I think "to get the crowd's attention" could probably go? - it feels a bit redundant, and losing it would tighten the stanza up. And the first stanza generally feels like most of it could go without hurting the poem: it sets...
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