capteucalyptus has no favorites yet.
capteucalyptus's profile
AGE:
38
LOC: Winston Salem, NC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 18
LOC: Winston Salem, NC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 18
The most important things in my life are my wife, three kids, and writing. I love helping others and also get a big kick out of being helped. I know that I have a long way to go before my writing is as good as I believe it can be.
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Mr. Ricardo entered the disgusting little greasy spoon and immediately felt the need to send himself to the dry cleaner. He spotted his lunch appointment and glided to the table. The young looking man was dressed in jeans and a denim shirt, but his magnetism drew people in. He was the center of the diner's sparse lunch crowd, everyone choosing tables near him. "Good afternoon Mr. King." Ricardo said. "May I join you?" “Course you can son, that's why I called you. Have a seat.” He resumed eati...
Version 1
7 Reviews
5 Comments
Trudi, Triple B or TB to her friends, pulled the laces on her new eighteen hole Doc Martins tight. Well, OK they weren’t exactly new, she had picked them up at ‘Steve’s Seconds’ stall in Camden Market yesterday for a quarter of what a new pair would cost as an early twenty-fifth birthday present. They were in great shape and whoever had them before had really kept them polished. They went great with her new leather jeans and corset, although a few nights in the pit would take that shine right...
Version 1
7 Reviews
6 Comments
“First Sergeant Yung!” Captain Ponzi’s voice wasn’t the bark of a DI but it did carry weight. “Present, sir!” The shouts echoed through the crisp ocean air. Yung saw, practically felt, the intense scrutiny his CO measured him with. The men had built a bond over a course of months. It wasn’t one of love or even respect particularly as much as pure trust. Battle did that, if nothing else. “Report to the command tent in fifteen minutes.” “Affirmative, sir.” Yung turned to his line of troops and ...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
Second person narrative is very hard to pull off, but I think it mostly worked here. It looks like you switch to first during a flashback, which leads me to ask why not stay in first or for that matter second throughout? The strongest part of this whole story is your excellent description of the setting particularly in the opening paragraph.
Deleted Item
I'm not sure how likely it will be that this will get published, but this sort of fiction is popular so if the rest of it is well written and researched and if there's good action then I think it's possible. I was struck that Gibbs called her Miss B and not by her rank and or last name. That would seem to be more in line with military protocol. Also I wasn't sure about him drawing down on the agent. But maybe there will be some interesting repercussions later. I think you did a great job on d...
Deleted Item
There are some serious grammar and spelling issues throughout this. Also, if you're going to write something involving high tech make sure that you have a background in the field or that you research, research, research. It's a niggling thing but a four letter password and four letter user name isn't very secure. Also that first chapter is a ton of exposition and back story. You might want to incorporate that into your story proper in some fashion. Spread that chapter out a bit. It's a good f...
Deleted Item
Definitely a quirky start to what could very well be an interesting story. The publishing company sounds like a mine for rich characters and the setting is wonderful. It seems to meander a little though. The dialog is interesting if a little clipped. I'm defeinitly interested in reading more.
In spite of the fact that this was mostly big chunks of monologue is was pretty darn good! Writing like that's a challenge. I like the scientific explanation you came up with for the drive. I'm not sure I've ever heard of that. The reporter and the scientist both manage to be interesting in spite of the fact that they are pretty stereotypical. The reporter's little asides make him funny.
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People











